GOOOOOALLLLL

Some goals I have developed randomly this week:

• Get off my butt.
• Get a job.
• Work out.
• Study like a boss.
• Find new music.
• Learn to wear dresses.
• Suck it up.
• Read the Bible more.
• Less cookies.
• Write like I mean it.

What are your goals of this week?

An Open Letter to the New Hunger Games Fans.

Dear New Hunger Games Fans,

I see you just re-read Mockingjay for the umpteenth time and are just about to text some other Hunger Games fan about how you're so glad Katniss is with Peeta and how you wish it ended different but OMG for realz you are so so excited for the movie, can you believe it's coming out in a month??????

Let me stop you there.

I am your predecessor. I am Veteran Hunger Games Fan. I read those books you're squealing over two years ago. And let me be the first but hopefully not the last to tell you something:

Shut up.

Here are a few facts I can assume about you right off the bat:

1. You never read books for fun except for
2. Twilight, which you're still hung up about and also
3. You're most definitely a teenage
4. Girl who found this book because of
5. A friend JUST LIKE YOU

This is a mania, kids. You are overreacting. If you were a normal book nerd like myself and my coven of others, I would accept you. But the fact that I see you more interested in wearing atrocious boots and gossiping about a boy you'll forget in four years gives me pause. What is a girl like you reading a book? And then I realized you're suffering from a serious illness.

Post-Twilight Obsessive Pop Culture Trash Shock.

Or PTOPCTS. Or better yet "Boredom".

Please stop talking about these books everyday of your life. They're really good, yes, I'll give you that. But that book you just read in school? The Great Gatsby? Or even The Old Man and the Sea? Has about twenty times more meaning and value than this little fad you latched your teeth on. And sure, we all love talking about popular stuff. For awhile, I've indulged you and entered your little chit-chats, happy that maybe my generation is reading again after Twilight. But then I realized how ugly this situation is getting.

You are going to take over the world and I am onto you.

And the rest of us Veterans are onto you.

We will find you.

We will find you and take away your posters of Liam Hensworth and while we're at it, we will take your ugly boots, too.

We can't let another Twilight phenom-situation ruin our reputation AGAIN.

What am I talking about?

Look at the teen book sections of wherever you want. Count how many vampire books there are. Yeah. *That*.

Don't screw us over again.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Veteran

Author's Note: I am not personally angry at any individual for finding the Hunger Games. They're very good books. It's just the excessive blabber that I'm starting to feel a little homicidal towards.

Agree? Disagree? Spar it out below.

Shameless Plugging and/or Job Hunting

Things I Would Do If I Had a Job:

1. Give money to my parents. Definitely.

2. Buy shoes. We've been through this one.

3. Buy new clothes. See, I know you hear that from girls all the time complaining that their clothes are out of style and such. I am not that girl. I am saying I have dropped three sizes, torn my favorite jeans and sweater, and stained three shirts in a month. I legitimately need new clothes or else the whole world is gonna have to deal with me naked. And you don't want that. NO ONE wants that.

4. Buy movies. I want a big collection of movies so my friends can come over and watch some of my favourites. I'm wanting Coraline, Little Mermaid, Hot Rod, and *coughcough* Titanic. Oh! And also Up. I love Up. <3

5. Buy crafting supplies. Two words: Chalkboard Mustache. That's all I'm gonna say.

6. Get jewelry. All my necklaces except 2 broke in three days time. Me without a necklace is pretty much me being naked. And as I said before--you don't want that.

7. Go out more. Self explanatory.

8. Buy books. I am DYING DYING DYING DYING to get the new John Green and Daniel Handler. Buying them and keeping them for life would make my little book-lovers heart explode with joy. <3

9. Support To Write Love on Her Arms and Invisible Children. Links say it all.

So there you have it. I've applied to two places. No luck. If you have any writing jobs, babysitting (although I struggle with patience, I'd tough it out), cleaning, odd-jobs, hints of hiring--ANYTHING. Please feel free to comment/contact me somehow because I am not ashamed in saying that I am begging you to help a poor broke adolescent pay her way to prom and actually get a life worth living.

Chow.

The Worst Valentine's Day of All Time.

Would you like to hear a story, children? I'll tell you one. I will tell you a story called:

THE WORST VALENTINE'S DAY OF ALL TIME.

Yes, children, this is a true story, although I wish it wasn't. True and happened to me, your narrator, about 2 or so years ago, way back in the day when I was young and an idiot.

I was dating this kid.

Big. Mexican. Sweaty. Somewhat funny. Extremely hormonal.

Nothing against him, just stating the facts.

Anyways, this kid, he was my boyfriend for a long while, actually. Almost a year when Valentine's Day rolled around. I got him a gift. Homemade. Took hours. He got me a stuffed dog, roses, chocolate--pretty neat. Except when I handed him his gift, you know, the one I worked hard on?, yeah, he set it on the table and didn't even look at it. Great.

Big. Mexican. Sweaty. Somewhat funny. Extremely hormonal. Very driven.

Drive to what? To make out on his couch. For two hours straight. I wasn't very keen on that plan, let me tell you. Not very keen at all, especially since I was wanting to watch one of the most epic movies in the history of films---The Princess Bride. Who wants to be sucking face when you're watching epic swordfights and witty banter? Not this girl.

Then I watched him play videogames for an hour. He tried to let me play, but apparently I fail at life so he took the controller away and showed me how.

Big. Mexican. Sweaty. Somewhat funny. Extremely hormonal. Very driven. Kinda sexist.

So afterwards we went to the movies that my dear sweet parents offered to take us to. Guess what the movie was about? Undying love? Nah. Sweet quirky romance? Nope. Blood and guts? A girl can dream. No, we watched a film all about the enlightening and uplifting topic of suicide. Have I ever expressed my deep love for my parents? Oh, yeah, and they also invited half my church to tag along. Including My Worst Enemy of All Time. She sat next to me the whole time yakking into my ear. And on the way home? Stupid Ex Boyfriend (thank God he's my ex. THANK GOD.) kept squeezing my thighs. I don't really understand why, apparently thigh squeezing is sexy to big annoying Mexican horny teenage boys, but whatever. Not me.

WORST VALENTINE'S DAY OF ALL TIME.

Thank God I have a sweet, cute-as-a-button boyfriend whose legitimately funny, doesn't sweat a lot, lets me screw up in videogames, lets me watch movies uninterrupted by nasty face-sucking rituals, and who has a car so we won't be forced into watching depressing films that no one should ever pay money to see.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

<3

P.S. I am not racist to Mexicans nor do I not accept people with weight issues. I just feel that way when someone grunts at my gifts and drops them on a table like they're trash.

Shoes. Ohmigosh.

What have I been wanting to get a job so bad for? These.

Coffee Talk

I'm trying again. With only one topic per time. Today's topic: Coffee.

My parents are coffee junkies. I know, a lot of you can say that about someone in your life. "Oh, Ted? He's a coffee addict for sure." You don't understand. You have not gone to strange locations late at night with your parents for a "coffee meeting" where snobs talk about the best regions for roasting. You do not know every member on staff in your parent's favourite coffee house. You do not constantly smell roasting coffee beans in the breeze off hand or bring homework to your teachers with the tell-tale stains of your parents mugs leaking onto them. So don't even begin to complain.

I used to hate coffee. It was gross, bitter, and overrated. People worship coffee. I think the reason Oklahoma has so many churches is so that people have an excuse to deal out free hot coffee to people once a week without looking strange. It's a place where people feed their addictions. Oh, and also learn about Jesus--but not before they get wired. Anyways, I was a hipster and thought coffee too mainstream. Shoot me up with some pricey foreign hot cocoa and I was good to go. Then, magically, one day, I hear an urge inside of me, calling out from within the depths of my tummy.

"Jenna," the urge whispered loudly. "Jenna, try a frappucino."

I resisted. Oh, did I resist. But one day, I hear the urge again while my mother was at Starbucks shooting up with a long named coffee I didn't dare to ever taste.

"Jenna." The urge was a bit cross now. "You try that frap or I'll kill you."

Not one to tussle with the likes of an angsty urge, I gave in. One carmel frappucino. Whipped cream and caramel sauce drizzled across like ink across a fluffy stark white page made entirely of hopes and dreams. Then I tasted it. Raised the concoction to my lips. And spat it out. It was gross, guys. SUPER gross. Tasted like cardboard and homeless. But the urge, she did not stray in her quest.

"Jenna, you moron. Go for the mocha."

I was hesitant. Why weren't urges more specific? I ordered again. Whipped cream. No special sauce. It looked boring. Blase. Old school. What was I thinking? How could I have ever trusted that urge? It was going to be filthy, just like my parents' coffee. But, I sipped it down, bitterly to prove the urge wrong.

OH. MY. SWEET. VEN. DIAGRAM.

It was heaven.

We have not parted since.

<3 Mocha frappucinos, I am your humble tastebud slave.

Internet Junkie

Here are the best websites you are ever going to get addicted to.

1. Pandora. My favourite stations? Dubstep, Big Band, Daft Punk, Death Cab for Cutie, Film Scores, Flogging Molly, Paramore, Never Shout Never, Noah and the Whale, Skrillex, and Sufjan Stevens.

2. 8 Tracks. Pretty much a very, um, MATURE version of Pandora. With more specific playlists. My personal favourite genre of theirs is piano covers and indie love songs. ALSO. They have some sick dubstep if you pick through.

3. Pinterest. I fought it. I fought it bad. Then I saw the photos of books and art and houses. Oh. My. Lands. Try to find me on there: milomontser99

4. Stumbleupon. You type in your interests and suddenly, the computer becomes your very best friend. I have never read so many internet comics in my life, nor horror movie reviews, or amazing art. It changes your life.

4. MLIA. You wish your life was as cool as these people. So you try to make it on there. Even if you have to lie.

5. The entire I Can Haz Cheeseburger database. You will find a specific genre of sarcastic humor to visit EVERY. DAY.