Valentine's Day

Hola!

As everyone who can read a calendar knows, Valentine's Day is creeping up on us like a slug on rollerblades. And there are two schools of thought that go along with this holiday.

1st.
"OMG OMG VALENTINE'S DAY I LIKE SOMEONE AND THEY LIKE ME AND I GET GIFTS AND CHOCOLATES AND PROBABLY GONNA MAKE OUTTTTT"

2nd.

"I hate all of you."

So here's my two cents. *hands you change* And also, my opinion.

Valentine's Day does not have to be only about couples. It's about love. Do you love someone? Well unless you're a smelly old boot, chances are, you really care for SOMEONE. It can be your mom, your dad, your best friend, your dog, that guy at the video rental store...Anyways, there is SOMEONE who deserves your affection. And today is your day to say "Hey, in case there was any shadow of the doubt, I think you so totally rock my socks. Wanna eat fatty foods together?"

And for those who say "You need to be treating your girlfriend/boyfriend like everyday is Valentine's Day"...this is a true statement TO A POINT. Obviously you should show your love everyday forever to the person you're with. But most days, you can't afford to shower them with gifts. It's just like people saying "Today is your birthday. Everyday, I should be treating you like it's awesome you were born. SO BUY YOUR OWN CAKE, YOU SELFISH CUDDLEFISH."

When I was single, I had an Anti-Valentine's Day Party. It was probably the best thing I've ever done when I was single. I had girls write their own ends to romance novels, burn old love letters or pictures of their crush in a bonfire, and watch comedies while eating pizza. Nothing says a good time like bitter women getting together to mope about their loneliness.

And every year, I make Valentine's Day cards, homemade, for my friends to let them know how much I love them. I've never JUST made a Vday card for my boyfriend. Each card is special to the person I give it to, and I think it should always be that way. It's like a very-decorative Thanksgiving for me.

And if you're with someone. CELEBRATE! Falling in love is AMAZING! Feel special that you have a part in that amazing experience! Go ahead and get dinner! Don't feel bad if someone wants to give you flowers! Be grateful for them.

Also, do what you want for Valentine's Day. Don't make it lavish if you don't want to. You do not need to hire a marching band wearing feather boas to dance around someone's house singing "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" at 5 a.m. (Although that would be awesome, Tyler.) You also do not need to wear pajamas pants and dig into a carton of brownie batter ice cream with your bare fists while watching "The Wedding Planner" (Why the heck are you watching that, anyways?). You celebrate how YOU want to. Bird watching naked? Go for it. Bike riding with your mom and grandma? Watch out for flying dentures, but go ahead. Cover yourself in nutella and roll in conversation hearts? ...You're a freak. Point is, Valentine's is a day of CELEBRATION. Don't be bitter--be happy!

If you have no one to love, the best thing to do is love yourself.

So Happy Valentine's Day! And if you want you can send me a gift; I won't turn you down.
(Especially when you send me new clothes and unicorns. Again, Tyler, that would be awesome.)

Have a great day!

xoxo,
Milo

Feminism. You Heard Me. FEMINISM.

When you hear the word feminism, what do you envision?






                                                      Is it this lady?

                                        
Yeah. Me too.

But feminism is so much more than Phil and Lil's strangely masculine mother. And it is so much more than those anti-hygenic women who are always standing in front of the gluten free section at Whole Foods. And it is so much more than that angsty teen who hates men because Billy didn't like her thin mustache and rejected her Sadie Hawkins Dance invitation.  Feminism is more than what most people

picture.

The definition of feminism is the equal treatment of women. Plain and simple. It is not the ranting fiery anger geared towards men. It is not the arrogant superiority women feel that they are entitled to because they chose to have a baby squeeze out of them and THEY HAVE PMS DANGIT, RESPECT ME TODD RESPECT MY BODY IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS GAHHHHH. It is not the idea that girls rule and boys drool. I drool all the time. I also happen to rule. Some of us just live the charmed life, what can I say?

I am a feminist. Most people, in my opinion, are deep-down-at-the-core feminists as well. The problem is, men and women alike have these negative connotations they associate with the word and lifestyle of feminism. Which is a real shame, because feminism is something everyone should embrace and love, unless you're some chauvinistic overlord planning to eat all my cake because I'm a lady. Then you probably do not want to embrace feminism.

Feminism looks like this to me. Feminism is mentioning girls and guys. For example, last night someone told a story where a guy had all his guy friends support him in his time of need. If this story was true, I wouldn't have a problem. But it was made up. And the guy had absolutely no positive females in his life. That's ridiculous. The story itself didn't make me mad. Have you ever seen a movie with female best friends? Whose conversations were not centered around men? Have you ever seen a female friendship like Timon and Pumba? Have you ever seen a female respect like Batman and Robin? Robin Hood and Little John? Cheech and Chong? Abbot and Costello? Bert and Ernie? No. You haven't. Because according to media, women are either complaining about something men do or they're about to stab each other in the back. Which is absolute bull crap.

Feminism looks like asking girls to do the same thing guys do. "Can I get some guys to help me lift these boxes?" "Can I get some guys to help me set up chairs?" "Can I get some guys to drink this orange juice with me?" How many times have you heard people specifically ask men to help out with something a woman can physically handle? Got boobs? Whoops. You can't lift this cardboard box filled with packing peanuts, you might contract osteoporosis out of nowhere and snap one of your bird bones. I realize fully that people ask this out of chivalry, which, surprisingly, I don't think is dead. But seriously. I like to help. Ask me, and I'll do it. Unless my body type and weight and strength are a serious inconvenience to whatever you need help with, ask. Don't deny my volunteerism because I have ovaries, people.

Feminism looks like respect. Don't tell me to make you sandwich, or I will tell you where to put it. (Your nostrils.) Don't tell me I need to have eleven babies and wear an apron, or I will suffocate you with an oven mitt. Yeah, ladies can cook. Yeah, ladies are moms. Not all of us are. Mother Theresa, prime example. She could not cook. Oh, yeah, and she wasn't a mom. Women have other uses besides popping a baby. Which is fine, too. Just don't get mad at me if I have different goals in life. And don't crack sexual jokes at me, expecting me to be okay with it. And don't use the b-word to describe me. Ever. I am a lady. Not a dog. Just like you are a lady/man/hermaphrodite and not a seahorse. Unless you are a seahorse. In which case, my sincerest apologies.

Here is where the line of feminism is drawn.

LADIES.

Do not insult men.

We are equals.

Do not complain to your friends "All guys are the same."

Do not say men are stupid.

Do not say men are bad with directions because I assure you I am worse.

Do not assume men like certain things like football, hockey, and Men's Health Magazine.

Do not assume all men want is one thing.

Do not pretend that you yourself have never wanted that one thing. We're humans. We reproduce. Gender doesn't decide your actions and thoughts.

We are genetically different. We have certain tendencies. But there IS ALWAYS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. So, here's the bottom line.

Treat people equally, fairly, and lovingly no matter what skin color, race, organization, or gender they fall into. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., judge by character. If someone is a jerk, accept that they are a jerk and don't blame everyone associated with them for that person's individual meany-head-ness. Don't exclude people because they're different than you. And ABOVE ALL. Love.

             

It's Not You, It's Me

Listen, I'm sorry I've been so distant. I've just...I don't know, moved on...I feel so comfortable with you and we've had our fun, but, I mean, who are we kidding? A year from now, we'll look back at this and laugh. We can still be friends, right? It's not you, it's me.

Okay, can we get back together now? I promise I won't make out with you. ...Right off the bat.

Yeah, yeah, kids, I've been gone for awhile. I've gotten more into the Youtube thing and less into the writing-things-down thing. I had to play the field. I'm sorry, baby, you know I love you.


UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

• Willy Wonka--muy excellente.
• I read a lot more.
• I saw a dead cat yesterday and I'm scarred for life.
• I tried losing weight and realized I like food.
• I tried other teas.

That's been my life. I know, we've come a long way. *sarcastic eyebrow wiggle*

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things and blog again. We'll see if I'm faithful. Because, you know, I'm like a wolf mixed with Miley Cyrus...I CAN'T BE TAMED. 

So, here is post one of the new and improved MMWAR. Please say that out loud. 

You sound like a cat with marbles in its mouth.