There is Superstitions...and Sam's Club

You know what severely stunts my confidence? Going to the mall. There are these gorgeous women that walk around there and I look at them and a little smidgen of me dies. For instance, today I decided to take a HUGE step and actually try on my clothes before I bought them. Big mistake. I looked like a confused zebra who just ate a cow. Which brings me to my main point: I have a haunting suspicion about a superstition that if I try on clothes, they will look hideous. BUT! If I bring them home, they will be fabuloso! And that, my dear Inklings, is what today's subject is about: SUPERSTITION!
You know you have them. They may not be your standard "black cat crosses your path" or the famous "step on a crack and break your momma's back", but you have those lurking silly fears that if something does not go this certain way, that SOMETHING is doomed. I know, you probably won't admit it, but I will RIGHT.NOW.

1. Opening up a gum wrapper. I know, it's silly, but so are all of these, so SHUSH! Here is my superstition: If you open up a pack of gum, and the thin little semi-metallic seal doesn't rip off along with the paper tab, you'll have a bad day. Here's ONE reason why I believe this could be for real: So, one day, I buy my favorite flavor of gum (Trident's Citrus--YUM!). I am about to rip open the package and hope for my good luck trick to work. Next thing I know, this woman who I know who happens to work at Wally World runs up next to me. Two things you need to know: This woman is my friend's mom AND I do not like being touched. So, she takes me in her arms, squeezes the life outta me and then plants a sloppy, lip-stick covered kiss right on my cheek. She leaves. I open the gum. The seal sticks. CURSE YOU, UNWANTED KISS WOMAN! CURSE YOU!
2. I am a frequent participant in the "Make a Wish on a Star" and "11:11" beliefs. I do it every single chance I get. I also blow off my eyelashes and make wishes for that, too. BUT! There is a twist to that theory. When I blow off an eyelash with my boyfriend around, I have to tell him, or else it won't come true. My reason: Every eyelash wish that I have created while he was around hasn't come true. EXCEPT for the ones I tell him.
3. I have to go to the bathroom, drink a glass of water, and then go back to the bathroom or else I may have nightmares. Reason: I never have nightmares when I complete this ritual. I do have a tendency to have them if I do not.
4. I say my boyfriend's name every night before I go to sleep so that he never leaves. Ridiculous, I know, I know. BUT, I started out saying it before we started to date as a weird way to finally get him to notice me. Well, he did. And he does. And we've been dating for over a year. :)

There are my crazy superstitions. They're probably not true, yes, but what are yours? I know you have them!

Last note of the day: Sam's Club. What is up with Sam's Club? It's like the Wal-Mart country club, or better yet, the Wal-Mart for gangsters. MAYBE BOTH!
```DREAM SITUATION```
Me: (goes into Sam's Club)
Greeter: Hey, you.
Me: Me?
Greeter: Yeah, you. You got the card?
Me: Excuse me?
Greeter: (subtly pulls out a machine gun and smiles cheerily) I said "Do you have the friggin card", woman?? Don't make me call back up.
Me: Umm...back up?
Greeter: (into Walkie Talkie) We got a code yellow smiley face. I repeat: Yellow smiley face.
(numerous creepy Sam's Club employees walk up to us)
Greeter: So let me ask you one more time: Do you have the card?
Me: ...Yes?
Greeter: Great! Come on in! We have a spa now, did you know that? And we have a machine that can scan your tongue and tell us what your tastebuds really desire!

I mean, seriously, let's face it, they have to have some seriously high-tech awesomeness to surpass REGULAR Wally Worlds. Another thing: You know how rough and scary bikers have leather vests? Look at the Sam's Club people...they have it, too...only blue. So that it can be friendly...but ready for a good ole fashioned bar fight. Food for thought: In bulk now for $11.99--BUT ONLY WITH A CARD!


Why do malls offer free food samples, and not free clothes samples? Rip off artists.