Valentine's Day

Hola!

As everyone who can read a calendar knows, Valentine's Day is creeping up on us like a slug on rollerblades. And there are two schools of thought that go along with this holiday.

1st.
"OMG OMG VALENTINE'S DAY I LIKE SOMEONE AND THEY LIKE ME AND I GET GIFTS AND CHOCOLATES AND PROBABLY GONNA MAKE OUTTTTT"

2nd.

"I hate all of you."

So here's my two cents. *hands you change* And also, my opinion.

Valentine's Day does not have to be only about couples. It's about love. Do you love someone? Well unless you're a smelly old boot, chances are, you really care for SOMEONE. It can be your mom, your dad, your best friend, your dog, that guy at the video rental store...Anyways, there is SOMEONE who deserves your affection. And today is your day to say "Hey, in case there was any shadow of the doubt, I think you so totally rock my socks. Wanna eat fatty foods together?"

And for those who say "You need to be treating your girlfriend/boyfriend like everyday is Valentine's Day"...this is a true statement TO A POINT. Obviously you should show your love everyday forever to the person you're with. But most days, you can't afford to shower them with gifts. It's just like people saying "Today is your birthday. Everyday, I should be treating you like it's awesome you were born. SO BUY YOUR OWN CAKE, YOU SELFISH CUDDLEFISH."

When I was single, I had an Anti-Valentine's Day Party. It was probably the best thing I've ever done when I was single. I had girls write their own ends to romance novels, burn old love letters or pictures of their crush in a bonfire, and watch comedies while eating pizza. Nothing says a good time like bitter women getting together to mope about their loneliness.

And every year, I make Valentine's Day cards, homemade, for my friends to let them know how much I love them. I've never JUST made a Vday card for my boyfriend. Each card is special to the person I give it to, and I think it should always be that way. It's like a very-decorative Thanksgiving for me.

And if you're with someone. CELEBRATE! Falling in love is AMAZING! Feel special that you have a part in that amazing experience! Go ahead and get dinner! Don't feel bad if someone wants to give you flowers! Be grateful for them.

Also, do what you want for Valentine's Day. Don't make it lavish if you don't want to. You do not need to hire a marching band wearing feather boas to dance around someone's house singing "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" at 5 a.m. (Although that would be awesome, Tyler.) You also do not need to wear pajamas pants and dig into a carton of brownie batter ice cream with your bare fists while watching "The Wedding Planner" (Why the heck are you watching that, anyways?). You celebrate how YOU want to. Bird watching naked? Go for it. Bike riding with your mom and grandma? Watch out for flying dentures, but go ahead. Cover yourself in nutella and roll in conversation hearts? ...You're a freak. Point is, Valentine's is a day of CELEBRATION. Don't be bitter--be happy!

If you have no one to love, the best thing to do is love yourself.

So Happy Valentine's Day! And if you want you can send me a gift; I won't turn you down.
(Especially when you send me new clothes and unicorns. Again, Tyler, that would be awesome.)

Have a great day!

xoxo,
Milo

Feminism. You Heard Me. FEMINISM.

When you hear the word feminism, what do you envision?






                                                      Is it this lady?

                                        
Yeah. Me too.

But feminism is so much more than Phil and Lil's strangely masculine mother. And it is so much more than those anti-hygenic women who are always standing in front of the gluten free section at Whole Foods. And it is so much more than that angsty teen who hates men because Billy didn't like her thin mustache and rejected her Sadie Hawkins Dance invitation.  Feminism is more than what most people

picture.

The definition of feminism is the equal treatment of women. Plain and simple. It is not the ranting fiery anger geared towards men. It is not the arrogant superiority women feel that they are entitled to because they chose to have a baby squeeze out of them and THEY HAVE PMS DANGIT, RESPECT ME TODD RESPECT MY BODY IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS GAHHHHH. It is not the idea that girls rule and boys drool. I drool all the time. I also happen to rule. Some of us just live the charmed life, what can I say?

I am a feminist. Most people, in my opinion, are deep-down-at-the-core feminists as well. The problem is, men and women alike have these negative connotations they associate with the word and lifestyle of feminism. Which is a real shame, because feminism is something everyone should embrace and love, unless you're some chauvinistic overlord planning to eat all my cake because I'm a lady. Then you probably do not want to embrace feminism.

Feminism looks like this to me. Feminism is mentioning girls and guys. For example, last night someone told a story where a guy had all his guy friends support him in his time of need. If this story was true, I wouldn't have a problem. But it was made up. And the guy had absolutely no positive females in his life. That's ridiculous. The story itself didn't make me mad. Have you ever seen a movie with female best friends? Whose conversations were not centered around men? Have you ever seen a female friendship like Timon and Pumba? Have you ever seen a female respect like Batman and Robin? Robin Hood and Little John? Cheech and Chong? Abbot and Costello? Bert and Ernie? No. You haven't. Because according to media, women are either complaining about something men do or they're about to stab each other in the back. Which is absolute bull crap.

Feminism looks like asking girls to do the same thing guys do. "Can I get some guys to help me lift these boxes?" "Can I get some guys to help me set up chairs?" "Can I get some guys to drink this orange juice with me?" How many times have you heard people specifically ask men to help out with something a woman can physically handle? Got boobs? Whoops. You can't lift this cardboard box filled with packing peanuts, you might contract osteoporosis out of nowhere and snap one of your bird bones. I realize fully that people ask this out of chivalry, which, surprisingly, I don't think is dead. But seriously. I like to help. Ask me, and I'll do it. Unless my body type and weight and strength are a serious inconvenience to whatever you need help with, ask. Don't deny my volunteerism because I have ovaries, people.

Feminism looks like respect. Don't tell me to make you sandwich, or I will tell you where to put it. (Your nostrils.) Don't tell me I need to have eleven babies and wear an apron, or I will suffocate you with an oven mitt. Yeah, ladies can cook. Yeah, ladies are moms. Not all of us are. Mother Theresa, prime example. She could not cook. Oh, yeah, and she wasn't a mom. Women have other uses besides popping a baby. Which is fine, too. Just don't get mad at me if I have different goals in life. And don't crack sexual jokes at me, expecting me to be okay with it. And don't use the b-word to describe me. Ever. I am a lady. Not a dog. Just like you are a lady/man/hermaphrodite and not a seahorse. Unless you are a seahorse. In which case, my sincerest apologies.

Here is where the line of feminism is drawn.

LADIES.

Do not insult men.

We are equals.

Do not complain to your friends "All guys are the same."

Do not say men are stupid.

Do not say men are bad with directions because I assure you I am worse.

Do not assume men like certain things like football, hockey, and Men's Health Magazine.

Do not assume all men want is one thing.

Do not pretend that you yourself have never wanted that one thing. We're humans. We reproduce. Gender doesn't decide your actions and thoughts.

We are genetically different. We have certain tendencies. But there IS ALWAYS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. So, here's the bottom line.

Treat people equally, fairly, and lovingly no matter what skin color, race, organization, or gender they fall into. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., judge by character. If someone is a jerk, accept that they are a jerk and don't blame everyone associated with them for that person's individual meany-head-ness. Don't exclude people because they're different than you. And ABOVE ALL. Love.

             

It's Not You, It's Me

Listen, I'm sorry I've been so distant. I've just...I don't know, moved on...I feel so comfortable with you and we've had our fun, but, I mean, who are we kidding? A year from now, we'll look back at this and laugh. We can still be friends, right? It's not you, it's me.

Okay, can we get back together now? I promise I won't make out with you. ...Right off the bat.

Yeah, yeah, kids, I've been gone for awhile. I've gotten more into the Youtube thing and less into the writing-things-down thing. I had to play the field. I'm sorry, baby, you know I love you.


UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

• Willy Wonka--muy excellente.
• I read a lot more.
• I saw a dead cat yesterday and I'm scarred for life.
• I tried losing weight and realized I like food.
• I tried other teas.

That's been my life. I know, we've come a long way. *sarcastic eyebrow wiggle*

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things and blog again. We'll see if I'm faithful. Because, you know, I'm like a wolf mixed with Miley Cyrus...I CAN'T BE TAMED. 

So, here is post one of the new and improved MMWAR. Please say that out loud. 

You sound like a cat with marbles in its mouth. 

Hello? Is it Me You're Looking For?

Morning or evening, kitties. I know you've been wondering where I have been these past two months.

I've been here in my bedroom, contemplating the universe and all its complexities like tollbooths and sugar free gum.

I've actually become a vlogger, is the truth. GASP! NO MILO SAY IT ISN'T TRUE!
My inklings, it is very true, and you've got to accept these things in life, because, frankly, you're all a bit sheltered and need to stop talking to your Beta fish like he can understand you.
Oh wait.
Talking to me again.
Poo.

So, yes, the vicious rumors that have been in the top news stories (presidential debate, what?) are true. I am a Youtuber. My channel is kinda like a rusty old shack. It smells, it has mildew, and cats live inside it to eat the mutated rats living in the rafters. Check it out. 

There you have it. Hopefully that partially excuses my absence. I will try to post more often. Here's some tidbits on my life in list form. (Did you honestly expect anything different, you weirdos?)

• I started a book club that meets at Panera Breads every other Tuesday. So far we've read one book, Perks of Being a Wallflower (WHICH IS AMAZING OMG FANGIRL FANGIRL WAAA) and are now in the process of reading Looking for Alaska (BEST BOOK EVRR OMGGGG SOOO GOOD LOL LOL). The girls in my bookclub are absolutely lovely and I couldn't have picked a better group.
• I have play practice every week now for hours at a time. I'm not as good as I should be, unfortunately, but! IT IS COMING TOGETHER. So hopefully the Oompa Loompas won't go on strike anytime soon.
• I got straight A's! Which automatically means I got $$. Which automatically means I bought four books (Coraline, This is a Book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and love poetry). It's kinda like "If you give a mouse a cookie" but translated into "If you give a socially awkward teen an incentive for having no life and OCD study habits". Bestseller, I assure you.
• This week I have 3 field trips in a row. One to a Jewish museum (maleztov), one to John Brown University (yay, long car ride...*sarcastic glare*), and one for a "Worldview Day". Let me break down Worldview Day in a few quick phrases: "Old people, biased, no open mind, lame lame lame I am drooling in boredom look at my spit it's cooler than your lecture".
• Next week is Thanksgiving Break! Thanksgiving Break is the antithesis of Spring Break. Spring Break you get to go running naked rubbing jelly on yourself and peeing in public (Right? I don't know these things, I go to a private school...). Thanksgiving Break is where you stuff yourself into a human bean bag chair and wish with all your slow-circulating blood that your annoying relatives would head back to wherever God puts people like that (JK, Aunt Sandy, I love you!...Don't disown me.)

So there you have it! My updates! What're yours? What's your opinion of my channel? Should I continuously blog? Do you know where the children are?

xoxo

Milo

A Ramble for You

Jenna is currently:

• addicted to classical music
• loving independent films
• a vegetarian
• obsessed with plants
• a caffeine junkie
• into interior design
• shaking from aforementioned caffeine 
• wanting to have an actual unicorn
• accepting the clothing most know as "socks"
• full of plans she can never have
• a Doctor Who fan
• considering a degree in Psychology 
• warming up to the colour yellow
• freaking ready for Halloween

I have no purpose for this post. This is a trippy-intertwining-mind-bending-timey-wimey-journey that is a collaboration of all the thoughts zooming through my coffee-powered brain.  So bear with me.

  So lately I've been absolutely captivated by weird tourist traps. Such as Salvation Mountain, The Wonder Tower, and the Tri-State Spooklight. For years I've been craving a roadtrip with all my friends to travel the roads of America and stop at all the oddball places and stay in bed and breakfasts or camp sites. I would drive a big ole light blue "Little Miss Sunshine" style VW van, pack lunches and not stop at McDonalds all the freaking time, and stop occasionally pick wildflowers to stick in all the empty water bottles. Is that weird to say? Yeah, of course it is, but people like me are adventurers. The sad thing is that the roadtrip will never happen. None of my friends would ever be allowed to travel the great unknown. Which is ridiculous. Let your children free, people. Let them discover things anew. 

  I'm also hugely interested in cemetery exploring. I'm thinking about becoming a volunteer photographer for a site dedicated to Oklahoma cemeteries. The more I think about it, the more I get excited. Death has never phased me. Cemeteries are a beautiful place of peace and love, not dark and creepy like every movie makes it out to be. Actually, now that I've typed that, I think I'll jump over to that site and apply. YAY!

   Senior year has bust itself open on me and I gotta say it is one wild ride thus far. I love my AP Psychology and hate my AP English class...what's up with that? Actually, I know exactly why it's that way. AP Psych is busy work and yet super interesting. In AP English, we have a bunch of hooligans disrespecting classic works that actually are bloody brilliant (except Waiting for Godot...I hate that...). I have barely any friends who enjoy reading. Do you know how depressing that is? It's like having friends who hate Jesus to me. Reading is my life and hearing people bash it 24/7 makes me physically sick. I haven't been able to read a book for weeks and I hate it. My ideal world is me in a home of my own with ten beta fish reading books all day long. Oh gosh, my heart leapt just typing that.

  I know, this post is weird. But I had to write, guys, it was driving me crazy.

What are some material possessions you love? Here's my top 3

1. Rainbow mug
2. Unicorn watch
3. Ruby slippers

OH! REAL QUICK! What would you guys think if I did movie reviews on here sometime?

Chow, Inklings. 

xoxo

Milo

Crazy Men: A Fairytale

    Men are crazy. Yeah, girls are crazy, but let's just be up front. Women are crazy because men find that stuff appealing. You're never gonna find a man who's like "Yeah, I found this girl--I swear, she's my dream girl. She's average and is about as interesting a dirt. I'm one lucky fella." Crazy girls have this strange appeal. "Man, I found the best girl ever--she wrestles alligators on the weekdays, and on weekends she teaches CPR to a tribe of cannibals in Mongolia. I think she's the One." But crazy men on the other hand...that's just wrong. We can have weird dudes and eccentric males, but crazy men? Uh uh. Unacceptable. You are a man. You are the figurehead of stability and comfort. I don't care if you want to wear neon pink pants, you can't because you are the man. Now hand those pants over, I have some alligators to wrestle.
    I've really noticed this gender role, how men aren't supposed to be crazy, mainly because I have had the discomfort of dealing with crazy men. So I thought I would tickle your funny bone and tell you some woeful tales of men that are just not right. Names have been changed ridiculously to protect the identities of those humiliated by this story, although we regret this since we feel as a whole, men should be humiliated into acting somewhat socially acceptable.
   
   Story Numero Uno. There once was a very socially awkward lad named Penguin Biscuit. Penguin Biscuit had been homeschooled all his life and never really got out much to talk to women, but he found them pleasant and smelly in the best possible way. One day, he met this girl named Milo Breezyskits at co-op. She was everything he ever wanted, except she wasn't an elf and didn't have any clue on reading binary. He had somewhat befriended this lass and decided that now was the time to make his move, even if she had repeatedly stated she in fact had a beau. So one day, she went to urinate  and he followed her. He creepily waited outside to ask her a serious question. She was very creeped out by this. He told her he had intentions to flirt with her and knew he had no chance but wanted her to know. She awkwardly walked into class. The next day he gave her fake earrings. Her ears were not pierced. Then he realized she had rejected him, so he told the class she did not know how to read. They were in highschool. If she didn't know how to read, honestly, how did she get into highschool... The rest of the year was filled with Penguin Biscuit yelling at her, running away like Napoleon Dynamite, and sneering. He was a crazy man.

Story Numero Dos. Not long ago, a very clingy young man by the name of Jingjangle Spankybutt decided to contact his ex-girlfriend. He had not spoken to her in two years time, and she found this somewhat okay to reconnect in a friendly checking-up kinda way. Unfortunately, Jingjangle Spankybutt had other plans. He had been vaguely hinting about her beauty, his success, and how he wished to see her someday. She absent-mindedly said things like "yeah, that'd be cool" "mmhmm" "okay bro" and the like. Somehow, Jingjangle Spankybutt took this as a sign to pursue her like a fox that did not want anything but to be left in peace to eat some dead mice or something productive. So Jingjangle informed her at eight in the morning he would be invading her abode with his Spankybutt presence. This, my dear reader, did not fly. He kept trying excuses to see this girl, who had told him explicitly that she was only clad in men's underwear and wished to be left to drinking tea. She also reminded him she had a boyfriend who would not enjoy random romps of two people such as them, especially if Jingjangle had been saying how much of a knockout Milo was. So Jingjangle left her forever with a very unceremonious "a'ight bye". He was a crazy man.


Story Numero Tres. There was a boy new at a school who everyone called Yelkie VonSmootie. Yelkie was a talented minstrel who played sonnets for many a maiden. One maiden caught his eye and he decided to compose a song specifically for her. Unfortunately, it was about male genitalia. He would play it for her endlessly after school, thinking himself charming and clever. In reality, he was just really smelly and very annoying. He declared his affections to this girl by viciously biting her hand until it bled and asking her out shortly after. She said no. He went out with a lesser maiden with the brain capacity of a saltine cracker. There was much rejoicing on the creeped out maiden's side. He never talked to her again. He was a crazy man.



The End.

What's your crazy opposite gender story? Comment comment or I'll smack you down with a brick.

I'm a fan of positive reinforcement.

Senior Vows (PART ONE?)

This year is the BIG year. My last year of high school is coming up in a few weeks and I can hardly believe it. Last I checked, I was still the fat awkward home schooled freshman that always smelt like a Bath and Body Works blew up on me...my how times have changed...Now I'm this big old adult lady who's addicted to mugs and cats I can't have. I don't know if this is more pathetic or on the road to improvement. 
   Looking back on high school, I have definitely grown. Getting a random e-mail from my ex boyfriend this week has certainly reminded me of that. I used to be a very dependent, right-winged, emo chick freshman year. Sophomore year, I was a very insecure but fun-loving chickadee who really wanted friends. Junior year, I had a lot of emotional ups and downs and struggled with finding myself, and also realized that old movies are in fact very awesome. And now this year is my last year. And I plan on doing what every senior has always promised. I'm going to make it the best. So here is my vows of how to accomplish such a legendary quest. Enjoy.

                                                       BIG FAT SENIOR VOWS

1. Wear one thing that stands out every single day. I realize I dress very boring. That is funny, because I find myself very not-boring and therefore this must change or else someone will have to die. 
2. Not tolerate crap. I have let many a person use me as a welcome-mat and now I'm thinking of becoming some other form of home decor that isn't as cruddy as the one aforementioned. 
3. Work hard. Yeah yeah, we say it every year. But obviously this year counts the most. Otherwise the world will burst into flames and a million babies will be aborted, or something severe like that it seems. 
4. Stress less. How can I work hard and stress less? By spacing out my time, taking short breaks, and not throwing my math book at the wall screaming "CURSE YE BOOK OF LUCIFER!!!"
5. Organize. Let me tell you a scary story. Once, Milo had some lunch. It did not appeal to her, so she stuffed it into her teal backpack and was going to throw it away like a sensible child. But, alas, no, she forgot! And there the lunch festered and spoiled until it oozed a deep black liquid and grew hair like a very ugly baby. And Milo kept forgetting her lunches until they took over her locker, turning it into a smelly abyss of mold and squelching nastiness. All who opened the locker died. So Milo vowed on her blog never to let such a plague cover the land again.
6. Have fun. It's my last year, I'm gonna be wild and crazy. All who are not pleased, stick your head in a toilet and come back out only when you realize I'm right.
7. Go on adventures. Even if my friends wanna be stinkfaces, if I wanna do something, I'm gonna do it. Headstrong and fancy-free, watch out world, I'm wearing my sassy-pants this year!
8. Take a risk. Like setting a church on fire or shaving someone's head while their asleep. Or raise my hand and discuss my opinion--something risky like that.

What are YOUR senior vows? Comment below or blow up a building, I don't care.