Valentine Guide

You know that I sorta hate Valentine's Day, but the more I rag on it, the more I find myself saying it's really not that bad. You just have to do it right. My past Valentine's Days have been train wrecks, either I'm with someone and they would rather play video games, or I'm alone and my mom buys me stuff to make me feel better (thanks Mom). One year, I had an Anti-Valentine's Day full of angsty teen girls, and that was probably the best of my life. But I can't do that again, because all my friends are taken, or not angsty. (Darn them for being cheerful). So, I have to think of other options. In the meantime, here's a little guide to help out the blissfully taken and possibly happy about it but probably not single folks. Enjoy.

IF YOU ARE TAKEN:

Congrats. No, seriously, good job. I'm jealous. You have someone to give you chocolate that isn't your mom. Seriously, give your partner a big kiss for me, okay? Just so that you know how to appreciate the chocolate-dealers. Moving on...

Valentine's Day is not a day to say I love you. Because, guessing by the fact you're taken, I'm pretty sure they know you love them. No, Valentine's Day is more like a "LET'S PARTY AND NOT BE SINGLE!" day. So, do something fun and out of the ordinary. For example:

1. Picnics. It doesn't have to be dorky and old-fashioned. You can get Mountain Dew and Little Debbie cakes if you wanna. Just go outside, if weather permits, and eat. If not outside, inside! Get a blankie, a basket, maybe some movies?
2. Movie marathons. Okay, you CAN'T get chick-flicks unless they're awful and cheesy, that way you can make fun of it. Please, don't rent the Notebook. Or, you can do a series, like Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings...NOT Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
3. Make food together. Bake cookies, pasta, whatever! Just as long as you do it together, it'll be a blast.
4. Play video games. I know I bashed video games a second ago, but hold on. I watched someone else play, and I didn't get to. That's different. Playing together is fun and a competition, so go on ahead.

Gifts.

Just promise me, this Vday, no tattoos of whoever on your arm and NO JEWELRY THAT IS OVER TWENTY BUCKS. You'll regret it later, I pinky promise. Just make something sweet or get them something little if you wanna. No need to go over the top.

IF YOU'RE SINGLE.

Hey buddy. I know what it's like. Believe you me, I know. Go ahead and punch something. It's okay. But hey, at least you're not dating a jerkface, right? There's always a plus.

What you can do!

1. Get together with friends and DO SOMETHING. Lazer Tag, Bowling, going to a park, sleepover, whatever! Chances are, there are some people single like you who are bored to tears. Fix it.
2. Destroy stuff. Do you have old broken furniture or teddy bears leftover from an ex? Burn it, break it, smash it--whatever, just destroy!
3. Make stuff. You can paint a picture of the ideal girl/boy or your ex getting ran over by a truck. You can mess around with Apple's garage band and make a song. You can make a YouTube video. Get creative.
4. Go to a horror film. No romance crap. Just get in and get scared, it's an adrenaline rush.

And everyone, EVERYONE, can make homemade Valentine's Day cards for friends, family, enemies, whatever! I made twenty yesterday and I felt ready to go save kitties from trees.

Chow!