Valentine Guide

You know that I sorta hate Valentine's Day, but the more I rag on it, the more I find myself saying it's really not that bad. You just have to do it right. My past Valentine's Days have been train wrecks, either I'm with someone and they would rather play video games, or I'm alone and my mom buys me stuff to make me feel better (thanks Mom). One year, I had an Anti-Valentine's Day full of angsty teen girls, and that was probably the best of my life. But I can't do that again, because all my friends are taken, or not angsty. (Darn them for being cheerful). So, I have to think of other options. In the meantime, here's a little guide to help out the blissfully taken and possibly happy about it but probably not single folks. Enjoy.

IF YOU ARE TAKEN:

Congrats. No, seriously, good job. I'm jealous. You have someone to give you chocolate that isn't your mom. Seriously, give your partner a big kiss for me, okay? Just so that you know how to appreciate the chocolate-dealers. Moving on...

Valentine's Day is not a day to say I love you. Because, guessing by the fact you're taken, I'm pretty sure they know you love them. No, Valentine's Day is more like a "LET'S PARTY AND NOT BE SINGLE!" day. So, do something fun and out of the ordinary. For example:

1. Picnics. It doesn't have to be dorky and old-fashioned. You can get Mountain Dew and Little Debbie cakes if you wanna. Just go outside, if weather permits, and eat. If not outside, inside! Get a blankie, a basket, maybe some movies?
2. Movie marathons. Okay, you CAN'T get chick-flicks unless they're awful and cheesy, that way you can make fun of it. Please, don't rent the Notebook. Or, you can do a series, like Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings...NOT Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
3. Make food together. Bake cookies, pasta, whatever! Just as long as you do it together, it'll be a blast.
4. Play video games. I know I bashed video games a second ago, but hold on. I watched someone else play, and I didn't get to. That's different. Playing together is fun and a competition, so go on ahead.

Gifts.

Just promise me, this Vday, no tattoos of whoever on your arm and NO JEWELRY THAT IS OVER TWENTY BUCKS. You'll regret it later, I pinky promise. Just make something sweet or get them something little if you wanna. No need to go over the top.

IF YOU'RE SINGLE.

Hey buddy. I know what it's like. Believe you me, I know. Go ahead and punch something. It's okay. But hey, at least you're not dating a jerkface, right? There's always a plus.

What you can do!

1. Get together with friends and DO SOMETHING. Lazer Tag, Bowling, going to a park, sleepover, whatever! Chances are, there are some people single like you who are bored to tears. Fix it.
2. Destroy stuff. Do you have old broken furniture or teddy bears leftover from an ex? Burn it, break it, smash it--whatever, just destroy!
3. Make stuff. You can paint a picture of the ideal girl/boy or your ex getting ran over by a truck. You can mess around with Apple's garage band and make a song. You can make a YouTube video. Get creative.
4. Go to a horror film. No romance crap. Just get in and get scared, it's an adrenaline rush.

And everyone, EVERYONE, can make homemade Valentine's Day cards for friends, family, enemies, whatever! I made twenty yesterday and I felt ready to go save kitties from trees.

Chow!

Indemerds and My Dad

You've caught me on a rambling day, Inklings. First of all, if you look outside, you'll realize we are literally being viciously attacked by a snow monster. I love this snow monster on account of now I have decent snow, and no school. So yay!

All my life, I think I've been caught between three stereotypes of people: nerds, emos, and hipsters (Indie rock lovers). I think I need to create a new stereotype just for me call indemerds. Indemerds are people who

• Listen to classy music, rock music, and soundtrack film scores.
• Dress in dresses, skinny jeans, and a tee shirt with a corny inside joke.
• Have wavy, teased, in pigtails hair.
• Read classic literature, don't read, reads science fiction.
• Watches movies that are either in black and white or made for Sundance, watches anything as long as friends are there, watches every single cult classic known to man.
• Shops at thrift stores, Hot Topic, and Vintage Stock.

Yep, that's me in a nutshell.

You know, I don't feel good about this blog because I'm listening to baroque that my Dad is playing. My dad has a very strange variety of hobbies. Maybe I should list them for you so that you realize what I live with and why I'm partially insane before thirty years old.

1. My dad is obsessed with coffee. He makes his own. OK, not so strange, but I mean, I'm just warming up.
2. Dome homes. What the heck is a dome-home, you ask? It's a house with a dome for a roof. We were close to buying a few. We would stop in the middle of nowhere if there was one, and my dad would talk to the owner for about thirty minutes.
3. Storytelling. No, he doesn't tell stories. He just had rented a zillion books from the library about it.
4. Dog Training.
5. Compost building. We still don't have a compost pile, we just rented three videos and seven books about it.
6. Balloon Animals. We don't own any balloons.

I wish he was into hot rod cars, but I guess my dad has some sort of finesse and vigor most men don't understand. I would say this was my Dad's mid-life crisis, but the fact that it's been happening all my life sorta disproves that theory. At least he's rarely bored.

Valentine's Day Rant--Wayy Early

Valentine's Day is coming up! GASP! I have conflicting feelings for the whole holiday. I love it when I have someone to celebrate it with, but, of course, that means I usually hate it. Here are some things about Valentine's Day that I hate no matter who/what I'm with (I say what because I once dated a sea monster).

1. "Conversation Hearts". You know what I'm talking about. Those lame things that taste (and write!) like chalk that say "Marry Me", "Be Mine", "Call Me". I have YET to have an actual conversation thanks to those hearts, and better yet, I've only been given those crappy excuses for sugar by girls, so IDK *what* that means, but I'm pretty sure I do *not* want to find out.
2. Romance films. I like about four romance movies, and I assure you, NONE of them have anything to do with Valentine's Day. Mainly, because, all good romance does NOT happen on Valentine's Day.
3. Store-Bought Valentine's Day Cards. I expressed my hatred for these things to my best friend. Basically, they're impersonal, cheap, and they rip like crazy when you're trying to shove them into some kid's Valentine's Day box.

Last year, my Valentine's Day was mediocre. I got stuff, which is awesome possum, BUT, I went to see a movie about suicide awareness. Romantic? No, not really. I really don't think watching a kid blow his brains out is romantic to anyone...maybe zombie couples. I have no idea what I'm gonna do this V-Day, I usually have an Anti-Valentine's Day Party, but last year that bombed. So, if anyone has suggestions, I would gladly appreciate your commentary in the comment place ^^

Let Me Be Your Muse

I am very odd. We all know this, I'm sure. But I've often questioned myself about why do I act so weird sometimes. And today, I finally realized it. I am desperately waiting for a boy to write a song about me.

OK, OK, let me explain. I've grown up with rock music, and in rock n roll land, women are way more beautiful and amazing when they are completely different. Take for example "She Talks to Angels". That song, this woman is bizarre. Take "Freefalling". That woman, again, is weird. "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"---well, that whole SONG is bizarre.... Anyways. Men who are rockers dig the oddball chickadees. So, I think I do things weirder and weirder just so that one day, a boy will come up to me, look me dead in the eye and say "Baby, you inspire me." and hand me the lyrics to a song all about my oddities. I think the lyrics would go a little something like this:

"Oh, darling, the way you thrift shop like a maniac,

Makes me wanna go into cardiac

ARREST.

Oh, baby, I love the fact you're addicted to Chinese,

Not the people but the food, so buy these

PANTS.

Oh, sweetheart, no one works those rain boots like you

Even though it's a hundred degrees outside this June,

TWO-THOUSAND ELEVEN.

So, girl, I'm a rockstar, and you're freaking gorgeous,

But so mysterious,

Like some funky modern art no one really understands but pretends that they do,

Which is why I'm here to say, you freaky and attractive lady,

Baby, I love you."

Maybe not that exactly, but you should be able to get my point. I had this idea while eating blue ice cream, by the way. So, if you're a rocker and can write a song, be sure to include that. ;)

Welcome to My Mom's Nightmares

I just want you all to know that I am listening to the Iron Man soundtrack on my Pandora radio, and I feel like I need to walk in front of an exploding building--slowly---while taking off sunglasses. Because this soundtrack is HARD.CORE. If I reset my music playlist from Indie rock to epic film scores you'd all be reading this blog like it was some sort of secret code you had to hack. Maybe, just maybe, IT IS.

Moving on as begrudgingly as possible from the topic of awe-inspiring movie soundtracks, let's move on to my favorite topic: MY MOM. I love my mom. She's the silliest redhead out there since that girl on the Wendy's sign. But my mother seems to have problems with me--a lot. Which, I mean, if I looked back on my life when I'm thirty seven, I'm sure I'd have issues with me, too. But I'm still a teenager, and I'm blissfully enjoying my whole "I'm invincible" phase. Point is, is that I was thinking about what I'd be like if my mother ever had a nightmare of me. And I think I've figured it out.

It all starts cheerfully, in my mother's dream. The skies are bright blue, there are vitamins dancing under rainbows, and a big black lady is playing a fiddle in a meadow. My mom would be dancing a mix between the cabbage-patch and the riverdance. THEN! The clouds rumble like a fat guy's stomach and they darken like an old lady's upper lip hair. Lightning strikes, and sets a bunny on fire during the process. I appear, my hair dyed black with green highlights and I'm wearing a shirt with skulls and the horrid words "GUNS AND ROSES" printed on my chest. I have tons of tattoos covering my arms, all of them of horror movie characters. Suddenly, I whip out a phone CHOCK FULL OF RADIOACTIVITY and text! I text and text and text! I also am simultaneously watching Family Guy! I kick a kitten and I donate all my money towards NO CHARITIES! I then eat out the heart of a Cabbage Patch doll, and throw all of it up in my already dirty laundry.

THAT is what my mother has nightmares about. To be honest, I sorta freaked myself out.

Make coffee, not war. Peace!

A Few of My Favorite Things

So, here's a crash-course update of my life so far:

IhaveaKoreanexchangestudentsisternamedChanmeandIloveher

Seasonofthewitchisthedumbestmovieofalltimeandthedemonlookslikeatree

IamaddictedtothriftstoreshoppingandImayneedanintervention

IlikeAsainfood.

There ya go.

NOW! Cool stuff I enjoy! HERE WE GO!

Wheat fields are the bomb. When I see one, I want to wear a big flowy dress and sit in it and read a book. That, and

make snow-angels but with grass. That may end up messy though...oh well....

I like emo hair. I like emo hair A LOT. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to have legit emo hair. But, I still admire from

afar.

I love old books. I like the smell, the feel, the look, ...the sound?the taste? Whatever. I think they look classy and

idiots look refined when they hold them. Tell me that ain't magic.

I'm addicted. Seriously. Try to catch me not wearing nail polish. Just try. Little secret? YOU WON'T CATCH ME NOT

WEARING NAIL POLISH.

The end.

A Bit of a Fail

New Year's Resolutions(revolutions? maybe so!)

1. Drop a cantaloupe from a roof that is full of glitter. I really wanted to do this for New Year's Eve, but none of my friends were game. So...I'm gonna do it!
2. Stop being a fool for love. I really don't feel like explaining my reasoning for this one. I'm not saying "don't fall in love". I'm saying "stop thinking that it's gonna work out every time."
3. Do something extremely rebellious and get caught laughing. I'm sick of being a good girl all the time. Note that when I say rebellious, I'm not talking about sex, drugs, drinking, or stealing. I just mean something no one would expect me to do. Nothing illegal, just something frowned upon by society.
4. Try more kinds of food. Recently, I've been obsessed with Asian food, which is a big leap for me, considering that I hated it with a passion for years. So, maybe we can keep this going!
5. Be pretty. Don't really wanna explain this one either.

Highlights of 2010 (and by highlights I mean major things, not WHOOO HOO! although some can be WHOO HOO!)

1. Turning 16 and realizing that it's not all it's cracked up to be.
2. Breaking up with my boyfriend of over a year.
3. Seeing my niece and becoming her favorite person for a day.
4. Going to church camp, hating it, but surviving it and loving my friends more.
5. Switching from homeschool to private school.
6. Meeting people from other countries.
7. Shopping more than I have ever shopped ever ever ever.

And the rest may be boring to you guys. I was planning on a big fat post full of laughs and humor, but I've been extremely depressed lately and it's sort of affecting my writing style. Sorry, folks. Maybe next post, I can make you happier :) Just sorta need to figure crap out.

Happy New Year!