The Tales Derived from Forum

I have had one heck of a bad week. This isn't an excuse, this is an explanation. I had serious boy drama that I can't even speak the TRUTH about to anyone. I went to Frontier City (a theme park) in over 100 degrees while babysitting two kids that were younger than me (by a year.). I got sick when I got home. So, I didn't write, but come on, can you blame me?

So, I just Facebooked a status saying "WHAT SHOULD I BLOG ABOUT?"
Answer: Life according to a whale named Dingy.
So, here is what many great thinkers call "The Dingy Thingy Theorem of Life, Happiness, and Blubber".

When one is a young aquatic mammal, you start to think. And when you think, the thoughts blossom all through the ocean. You begin to think: "Hey, why am I settling for krill?" and "Hey, why must I communicate through deep guttural sounds?" The answer? You have no idea. So you question your life, and Mama Whale notices. She cries "Dingy! Why must you question the whale way of life? Why must you live so oddly?" Your answer? You have no idea. But you do things the odd way. You prefer peanut butter instead of small, microscopic organisms. You have a taste of literary genius, so you read Hemingway for fun. You even have the nerve to begin a rock group called "Endangered Feces" which causes a great stir among the pod. The pod leader says "Dingy! Why must you upset the natural balance for whale-kind? Peanut butter isn't healthy for your digestive system! You're physically unable to read! And your music is so obscene! Why are you doing this to us?" Your answer: You have no idea. Until one day, you get caught by an illegal whaling group. They capture you and pull you onto the deck of the large boat they own. You look at them for a long while and finally pour your heart out in song. A song written by Endangered Feces called "My Mother Hooked Up with a Seal". The fellow crewman look at you in wonder and amazement. They feed you peanut butter. Someone hands you a worn copy of "The Old Man and the Sea". Then...they put you in a circus. So, the answer to life is this, according to Dingy the Whale: Do whatever the krill you want...just expect to be considered a freak for it.

Next answer: Crazy Old Women

Crazy Old Women are a tough breed to handle. Most can be lured into your home by using the following items: Large cats with names like "Tabby" and "Skittles", peanut butter cookies, crocheted pillows, and old re-runs of Andy Griffith. If successfully trapped, Crazy Old Women can do the following for you at no charge: Complain about your generation, rant about the lack of tapioca in the place, or sew you a nice scarf you'll never use.

Next answer: The epic battle between dinosaurs and ninja in alternate endings.

*ninja pulls out ninja stars and throws them at dinosaur*
*dinosaur wails in frustration and pain*
*ninja flips off tree, lands on dinosaur, and delivers several painful karate-chops to its skull*
*dinosaur chomps on tree with annoyance*
*ninja whips out nun-chucks and smacks the dinosaur in the eye*
*dinosaur eats the ninja*
THE END.
~alternate ending~
*ninja pulls out ninja stars and throws them at dinosaur*
*Justin Bieberasaurus comes out from behind and uses his high pitched squeals*
*Ninja faints in horror and extreme annoyance*
*Dinosaur eats the ninja. Then he eats Justin Bieberasaurus*

QUICK THINGS THAT ANNOY ME:
1. Emo girls adding "asaurus" to the end of their names. You are not a giant prehistoric reptile. But your acne seems to be saying otherwise.
2. People that depend on me for their every need. You have a cut? Sure, I'll get you a band-aid. But put it on yourself.
3. Strange shaped coffee mugs
QUICK THINGS THAT I LIKE:
1. Old bathtubs
2. Used book stores
3. Fresh box of crayons


Pirates is to ninjas as Edward is to Jacob is to Jesus is to Satan is to sugar is to dirt. Got that?