A Long Story Not About Christmas

Merry Day-After Christmas, Inklings! :D I hope your Christmas was beautiful, magical, and free of any unpleasantries in the form of sponges :D


Here is a story that I'm making up at random!

Long ago, too long for you to count the years on your fingers, a planet exploded in a galaxy so far away that scientists wouldn't even get a zillion miles close to it. Unfortunately, the significance of this planet exploding is minimal to our story at hand. I just thought you should know that something interesting happened a long time ago.
Our story takes place in a tiny forrest that was made completely out of crystal and bones. It was called "The Very Odd Forrest" and many a woodcutter would spit in its general direction (woodcutters those days were very spiteful, smelly individuals. They also were occasionally good at wearing women's heels). In this forrest lived a mediocre looking young woman who had no magical powers whatsoever. As you can imagine, living in a Very Odd Forrest and lacking magic or beauty is a very discouraging thing to a young woman. So this young maiden, whose name was Ann, was very depressed and wondered daily why in the world she chose to live in a magic forrest made of bones and crystal.
One day, when Ann was boringly reading a book on the history of economics, a giant fuzzball burst through her cottage door! It was huge and orange with sparkles shooting out of every speck of fuzziness! Ann looked up, bewildered, but not very scared. The point when she got scared was when the fuzzball BURPED and out popped a handsome prince! He was extremely pale, in fact, this prince was a handsome CROSS-ALBINO! He was so white, but instead of having albino's signature red eyes, his eyes flashed a beautiful shade of purple. Ann thought he was perhaps the most beautiful and most scary thing she had ever seen pop out of a fuzzball.
"Hell...O! Fair...er...Mediocre Maiden! My name is Garglemesh. I am the prince. Of what? I have no clue. Where I came from? No idea. All I know is this--I am extremely needing a toothbrush. Do you perhaps own one to spare?"
Ann nodded and grabbed a toothbrush she continually kept in her pocket, although, she never knew why. Garglemesh brushed his teeth vigorously and smiled his award-winning smile (7 Grammies, to be exact). He then stared deeply into Ann's eyes. So deeply that she felt that he was mentally prodding out her soul with a toothpick.
"Listen, lady. I don't know much about love...I know plenty about like-liking people, but not, you know...L-O-V-E...in fact my mother says I may never find anyone who'd marry a 27 year old cross-albino who still plays with Legos...but...well...I've never met anyone so gosh-darn boring. And, the thing is, my life is full of adventures, usually involving a whale and demon kittens. So sometimes, I need to chillax, if you catch my drift. Whaddya say? Be my boring wife?"
Ann looked at him for a very long time. Never before had she felt so strongly towards someone so full of manliness and whale travel. She stared deep into his strange purply eyes and then...
SHE TURNED INTO A DRAGON AND ATE HIS SOUL!

Moral: Never ever ever ever tell a girl she's boring, no matter what she reads for fun.
Second Moral: Skip that moral. Because girls who read economic books for fun are freaks. Maybe they're nice, but they're freaks.
Third Moral: I pray to God you didn't take anything seriously
Fourth Moral: Except the Very Odd Forrest--I just went camping there. It's very real. Full of ticks, though. They don't go to your head; they actually burrow into your spleen. Very unpleasant.