Please Allow Me in Your Motorcycle Gang

LISTEN UP YA'LL! (raise your hand if I just implanted Fergilicious in your mind...I thought so, manly-man in the corner. It's okay....we understand, that song is addictive. Really, we won't tell your football coach.) OK, so, here is something that bothers me: hyper puppies. Someone, please please please, tranquilize them. They want you to. Their shivers say so. Just do it.

ALSO! I have an issue lately with....FRESHMEN. Or, as I fondly call them : Freshies. So, despite what you thought when I typed FRESHMEN (freshies), I actually do not have upper-classman-snotty-disorder about them. In fact, I have many many freshie friends, some who are reading this blog probably right this second. (i love yew freshies, so calm yourselves down. get off that soapbox) The thing is, the FRESHMEN seem to be a lot more...rough, wild, rebellious, and hardcore...than I am, or was at any point in my life.

Wanna know why?

Because I am that safe, goody-goody girl you rebels love to hate. Yeah, I'm freely admitting that I am not ever gonna be eligible for a motorcycle gang, or ever offered a free tattoo after someone sees me at a bar (does that ever even happen...? Feedback, please.)

So why are these younger kids so bad-a (pardon the expression, I mean to say "bad astronauts") when I'm older? I wish sometimes I could be so wild and crazy that teachers would for ONCE not ask me to do their little errands they're too lazy to do. I wish people would look at me sometimes and go "She's one hardcore teenage rebel, she is."

This is what would happen to me if such a wonderful thing called rebellion ever popped into my functioning systems:

1. My hair would be black. No, no. Not just black....BLACK WITH PINK STREAKS. Ooooh, so stylishly rebellious--all you tattooed men in coffee shops would totally ask me if I read Hemingway as I killed butterflies.
2. I would own a motorcycle jacket with faux leather...because, just because I could totally beat a person in an arm-wrestling contest does not mean I do not love the widdle animals.
3. I would ditch class all the time to go to bookstores. Yeah, you heard me. I'd miss education for education. Not only would I be deviously disobedient...I'd be contradictory with my methods. Nerd rebels for the win!
4. I would see Rated R movies. But I'd drag my teddy bear around with me. My teddy bear with a lip ring. Cause he's pretty hardcore himself. Way to go BlackDeathSnuggleBear.
5. I would own a motorcycle. While riding, I would have a sombrero and red cowgirl boots. I really really want a pair of red cow girl boots. Ever since I saw Footloose, I be wantin' some of my own. The rebels love the classics.
6. I would drink Monster energy drinks with a paper bag around them. I would also spike anyone's juice with a Monster. Because when I'm hyper, I'm equivalent to someone who's high, drunk, and mentally insane...and I love it.
7. I would interrupt the teachers every single day with weird words. Teacher: So today, class, we're gonna learn about...Me: ARTSY FARTSY! Teacher: Cells.....um, anyways, the cell develops in the Me: HEPATITIS! Teacher: What is your problem??? Me: B-I-N-G-O!! WHOO!
8. I would put my makeup on like the guy in KISS with the star on his eye. Enough said.

Obviously, by now, you should see all the reasons why you SHOULD accept me in your club, motorcycle gang members. I have potential. I know to party. Sure, I have some downsides, like how I'm horribly scared of lizards and the dark (the dark more than lizards...WHAT IF LIZARDS GOT IN THE DARK WITH ME?! I WOULDN'T SEE THEM!! OMG, THAT WOULD BE THE SCARED THING OF ALL TIME, I WOULD PEE MYSELF IN FEAR!!!) Ahem. As I was saying, I've got potential hardcore female macho-woman in me. You just gotta beat her outta me with a stick that does not have a lizard sitting on it.