Titanic and Fairytales

Well, let's get this outta the way: Titanic. Oh.my.gosh. That movie....that movie seriously changed my life, I think. In all seriousness, it was sooo terrific and the saddest thing my eyes could ever witness. I'm not just talking the whole love story thing, either. It is sad because that actually HAPPENED. Those lives, they were taken by the sea and humanity was cruel and inconsiderate to not ensure their safety. To think that ALL of that could have been prevented just makes me furious. Seeing a mother and baby frozen in the water in eternal sleep was like a punch to the face and seeing the poor go down with the ship...even children...was...horrific. James Cameron may just make my top directors list, and I've only seen two of his films. (Yeah, you guessed it, "Avatar" and "Titanic".) But, there are definitely some mature parts in there, so I wouldn't recommend this to anyone super immature about things.
SERIOUS PART OVER! YOU CAN COME OUT FROM HIDING UNDER A ROCK!

OK, so, with a nod towards Titanic, I realized that I heard the ending before I even saw the beginning. Thanks for spoiling it for me. AND spoiling the entire Harry Potter series, AND spoiling the last Twilight novel, AND spoiling Shutter Island, AND spoiling 13 going on 30, AND spoiling Sweeney Todd, AND spoiling about every other movie I decide to see. Seriously, Spoilers, what is your problem? Here is a spoiler for YOU: At the end of your life, you're gonna die.
HA!

Would Willy Wonka's place be interesting at all if it was a pharmaceutical factory?
Wonka: Come with me, and you'll see, pills for all your depressions. We'll begin if you have....a prescription....If you want to view paradise, take a lotta pills and chew it. That's how we do it. Any illness at all...there's nothing to it...
(Oompa Loompas walk in with labcoats)
(The children stare around for a long time)
Mike Teevee: I'm sick of this place, let's leave and go watch T.V.
Violet Beuregard: I'm leaving, too.
Veruca Salt: I want my OWN pharmaceutical factory NOW!
Augustus Gloop: No food, no stay. (trudges out)
Charlie: In all due respects, Mr. Wonka, but this place sucks. (leaves with other chidlren)
(all that remain is Wonka and Granpa Joe)
Granpa Joe: Got anythin' for the poops?

Ewwwwwww. What if Wizard of Oz, instead of a tornado, it was a tsunami?

Dorothy: Get in the house, Toto!
(tsunami explodes windows)
Dorothy: Nevermind, we're as good as dead, anyways. Not like this place was hoppin'.....

What if Cinderella didn't get a ballgown but instead, a sparkly jumpsuit?

Prince: Good Lord, woman, what are you wearing?
Cinderella: Um...I don't really know....
Prince: You look like you jumped out of Saturday Night Fever...That's my favorite movie!!!
Cinderella: (smiles widely) Really?
Prince: Hahahaha! No. Who likes that movie?! No, but seriously, you look like a freak. (walks away to dance with a semi-ugly step-sister)
Cinderella: First, they call me Cinderella. Then a fat old lady tells me she can do whatever she wants by singing a retarded song. Now, I get dumped because of this flambouyant and obnoxious whatever-this-is. I'm going home to talk to some mice.

What if the Little Mermaid wasn't a mermaid, but half-sea monster?

Little Sea Monster: PART OF YOUR WORLD!!!
Prince: HOLY COW!!! What is that thing?! Her face...it's like a goddess...but her body...well, it's bigger than the ship!
Little Sea Monster: Don't be afraid! I saved you!
Prince: Yeah, right, like a monster like you could save me.
Little Sea Monster: It's true!
Prince: (addressing crew) Shoot her down, boys. And, Chef Pier? Get your sushi tools ready.
Pier: MUAHAHAHAHHAHA! REVENGE!


If bananas can do splits, can apples do backhand flips?