My mother has an addiction. No, not tortilla chips and health food, although that is also some of her irregular pastimes. She is addicted to late night old movies. This very second she's watching a movie with James Stewart and Carey Grant (if you know who they are--they're actually pretty good). I noticed that they always seem to have the same dramatic twists and camera fuzziness, but maybe that's how they were back then. What if old movies were a part of everyday life back then, guys? I mean, consider this!
Old woman: "Yes, yes, I'd like to buy some groceries, if you don't mind...*looks up and bats eyelashes* please."
Clerk boy: "That'll be a dollar fifty ma'am...say! Whaddya take me for, a looney? This here is seventy-five cents! Hey, Bill! Get a load of this old hag! She's tryin' to steal some honest money from us!"
Bill: "Now look here, lady....*eyes widen in realization* Bertha?!
Old woman: "Oh, Bill. I knew it was you all along. Marry me, Bill. Marry me and forget the clubs, the avacados, the mula. Let's go off to Wyoming and live among the buffalo!"
Bill: "Now...now...Bertha, you know we can't...I got the store to run and the ...oh, wait the heck! *attacks Bertha with violent kissing techniques*
Maybe that's why Mom likes those movies...for the application to real life...that woman amazes me.
Did you know that some people believe that your name determines your destiny? Like, name meanings were made to determine who you are. Like, for instance, my name would mean "Fair Phantom"...wait a second? Am I destined to be an attractive dead person?! What the heck?!
"Oh, yeah, girl, you sexy."
"Oh, well, yeah, boy, cause, like...I'M FREAKIN' DEAD. Stupid necrophiliacs."
Just kidding. I have a great boyfriend (I hate saying "bf" because I always say it aloud) who thinks I'm pretty :) Apparently, he looks past my afterlife destiny...does that sentence even make SENSE?
I wonder what some random names would mean....let's invent random people's destiny by DADADADADADA COMPUTING!!!!DADADADADADADA
That's right, kiddos, time to take advantage of (giggle) that good old Internet database! Let's plug in some baby names! *theme music*
"Amelia": Rival. So, Amelia would be that fat chick, yeah, that one over there, the one who's beating the snot outta that salesman down the street. But don't worry, she's just doing it to compete with Emilia, who also beat up a teleoperator WHILE ON THE PHONE!
"Landon": From the long hill. Trust me, his mother knows where he's from...they had to drive down "the long hill" to get to the hospital, so she figured she'd make sure her son knew about her physically infuriating car ride with her husband Phil, whose name SHOULD mean: "Lousy Driver When I'm in Labor!!!!"
"Sophie": Wisdom. So remember that, Sophie, at those newfangled college parties with those hooligans and their tricks. You should know what to do ALWAYS because guess what?! You're name is wisdom so use some common sense, Sophie, and STOP PUKING ON THE LAWN! CALL A TAXI! SOPHIE JOHNSON, IF YOU ARE NOT HOME IN TEN MINUTES, YOUR FATHER AND I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE YOU HOME FROM THAT PARTY, YOU HEAR ME?! SOPHIE!!!
"Wyatt": Son of guy. This is seriously made for the stupid people. Of COURSE he was made from a guy and a woman. So yes, he is son of a guy. Not son of turtle and piece of wrapping paper, and Sophie, he'll realize that soon enough, so stop telling him that's where he came from, because, after all, he's son of a guy.
Calzones are really just modest pizzas.
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