The Scary Movie Tester and How I Got Grounded

Well, I have good news and bad news and red news and blue news. Just kidding---my news is always purple. The good news is that HEY! I'M BLOGGING! The bad news is CRAP! I'M GROUNDED! But the Mom, being the gracious, loving, caring, splendiferous woman that she is, let me have 30 minutes blogging time, so let's all give it up for the Mom! *hip hip thigh thigh nasal cavity!* Why am I grounded? I am one very partial to private information, so allow me to fabricate a story for you like a tailor does for a fat opera singer:
I was whisked away by a tribe of persnickety peasant pheasant partridges who wished well weakly on my whiskery Wall Street Journal. They stole me in a sack of potatoes, highly rich in mushiness, and took me to the far banks of the Hanky Panky where the bullfrogs jump from bank to bank. They then interrogated my gated gait and whether my weather was wetter. I had to deny all deniable denies and reply with things that you reply to regularly. I was sent home under survelliance, watch, close eye, and a very scratchy jacket and made sure to never associate with the associates of the association I afore assiocated with. It was then that my mother waltzed, foxtrotted, and tangoed into my room holding a delectable Apple, which I chewed on for a long while until I realized it was an actual computer as well as beneficial dietary supplement. IthenillegallywatchedYouTubevideosandbacktalkedandgotgroundedforaweek becauseheyi'mateenagerandthen..........broke the codes and stole the Declaration of Independance.

I watched a "scary" movie the other night. Most witnesses around me would point out that the quotation marks are underrated considering I shrieked for the most part of the movie and that I indeed, found it "scary". Untrue, witnesses. Untrue. You see, I am a woman, and we like to make sure we are heard, therefore, we emit this thing called the "Sonar System of Social Shrieking", or, as many people like to call it "squeals of terror." It is a very efficient manner of communication which I can translate for you here and now:

Me: SHRIEK SHRIEK!!! SQUEAL!! AIEEEEE!!! AHH!!! OHMYGOSH NOOO! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, MIKE, DON'T OPEN THE SHRRRRRREEECCCH!

Translation: Oh, dear. I do believe my pulse rate is accelerating in anticipation...maybe I should warn the semi-likable main character of his impending doom, because, I, unlike he, already know that peril awaits him. Oh, dear. He didn't listen and now I do find myself rather startled by that axe murderer jumping out of the window...

So, no I was NOT scared, I was merely trying my hand at Sonar System of Social Shrieking. This movie, by the way, is a suckfest of a movie called "1408", orginally a Stephen King novel. All teenagers want to like Stephen King. We crave that name to be on our favorite authors list. Only, I never read or watched any of his works, so I figured, hey it's PG-13, let's do this thing. No. That was a total waste of plotline, and I'm not sure whether or not it was the book or the movie that sucked. I've noticed a significant pattern in scary movies. Here's the deal:

1. You get introduced to the movie with scary music to boringly ordinary situations. For one day of my life, I would love to walk around with a boombox in hand blasting out the soundtrack to "Psycho" just to see who starts to believe something dark and sinister is about to spring in about twenty minutes.
2. You get a background for the main character. This is where the whole scary movie thing will be easy to judge yay or nay. "1408"? Nay. "Haunting in Connecticut"? Eh. "The Ring?" Yay! "The Ring" was easy to perceive and not too complicated but enough to let in the imagination.
3. They go there. Where is there? There is wherever the heck the scary stuff happens. It's all about location. The more ordinary the better. You want to be scared all night? Watch a movie where there are places you can see on a regular basis. If you don't live in a Victorian mansion that looks like it's about to fall to pieces--don't watch the movie.
4. The suspense. All horror movies succeed in this category but
5. Leading up to the suspense in a truly frightening way. Is the way to check if it's a good movie.

Alright, hope you all enjoyed and weren't bored to tears. Tell me of any good PG-13 scary movies out there and I may just check em out! By the way, during this summer I will be watching several crappy scary movies, so if you have any suggestions, comment them pweez. :)

Why do all Spanish words sound like they were made just to shout out at a party?