Prom Viewed by a Freshwoman

Who is attracted to fruit besides someone from VeggieTales? No one. Which is why I'm confused why so many girls are dying themselves orange...I look at prom pictures and I keep thinking that someone photoshopped some Florida oranges into halter top blue dresses that can't fit in a limo. Then I realize it's a bunch of bubblehead Juniors that can't click the "off" button on their spray-tan shower session. Seriously, what is up with ugly girls and prom? This year I've only seen two colors of prom dress: Turquoise and orange, both spastically attacked by a glitter monster. It reminds me of weird exotic fish being exploded and strapped onto a Cheezit. And everyone is wearing blue eyeshadow. Women: LEAVE IT ALONE. I'm guilty of wearing it because I'm pale, unlike you, Spray Tan Addict. You are guilty of looking like a 1970's pole dancer who snuck into a gymnasium full of high schoolers.
But it's not only the girls who annoy me. Ooooh no. Let me talk about the dudes for a second: Men--what the heck? Yes, we're quite aware that you'd rather be watching sports or pretty much do anything else besides this, but if you're gonna blind us with your gay little tuxedos , by all means WATCH THE GAME! No man, I repeat, no man will ever look attractive in a silk neon vest with white pants and a white jacket. You are not an Easter egg. You are not funky cotton candy. So, in the name of Men's Wardrobe, dress decent and wear some black!! And stop spiking your hair to look like a guinea pig caught in a hurricane. Be natural! Let the ladies spend forever on their hair, NOT you!