Secrets and Monsters

Shhh! Stop clicking the mouse, Inkling! We're being secretive! I said on Facebook that I would never blog again this month...but I can't just leave you in the dust like that! Seriously, who do I think I am, some soap opera father leaving to get with Jessica only because she has the hidden jewels? No! I'm the one sane person in the show, and I'll keep it that way so SHUT YOUR YAPPER AND ENJOY!
I want to formally apologize to Falconman, if he's reading this blog, and Falconman's girlfriend. I sent him a Twilight message and I accidentally offended him, and that simply will not do. I sincerely apologize, Falconman, for getting too excited. And Falconman's trusty sidekick: I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. Those things are probably one of the most hazardous thing to jump besides pits of lava. So, once again, apology offered! *hands apology over on a silver platter*
Okay, business time over. You know what makes me laugh? Bald people in dresses. But besides that. Cryptozoology. Big word, ain't it? Basically, it means "The study of hidden things". It actually helped discover the giant squid, mountain gorillas, the Komodo dragon, and my favorite animal of all time: THE GIANT PANDA!! :) The things that cryptozoologists are trying to discover now are: The Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, the Yeti, the Skunk Ape of Florida, and even dinosaurs in Africa.
But the thing that makes me laugh is the things cryptozoolgy HASN'T proved no will it EVER prove. Most monsters are things that people blame for their stupidity or misconceptions. Like, they would blame a monster if a tycoon happened, or even people would blame a monster if they had an inappropriate dream one night. Here are a few monsters I've invented:

The Invisible Fart. This creature appears out of nowhere and can only be traced through its rotten food-like stench that it leaves behind. Sometimes you can hear it roar its strange roar, but skeptics claim that the stench is from "you", "the dog", or "grandpa". But I know better.

The Cell Phone Phantom is another invisible terror that transfers those embarrassing late night party photos off your phone and onto Facebook or other popular websites. There are two kinds of Cell Phone Phantoms: The kind that travel through your phone to another phone and spread until landing on the Internet OR the kind that possesses your fingers to upload the photos.

The Monster Tanning Bed allures its victims using clever advertising and sales prices, because, as we all know, even though it's fatal, we're all suckers for a good deal. Once inside the beast's mouth, its luminous teeth encompass your body and fry your organs from the outside-in and taint your skin orange. Many are addicted to looking like a burnt piece of cheddar cheese, though, and often return until they are dead.

Pirates > Ninjas