Sorry I haven't been posting lately, Inklings! The time has caught me and I just narrowly escaped! So, in order for my head to be completely guilt-free, I'm afraid I'm gonna unleash a bunch of posts that are rabid to come and destroy you! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
What do talk show hosts say to the people in the other chair when the camera isn't rolling? When commercial time comes, we see these people lean over and whisper...what are they saying?
Oprah *leans over to Kanye West and whispers*: Good job interrupting Taylor. You follow orders well. Man, I hate that girl.
Jay Leno *leans over to Jennifer Lopez and whispers*: We both know you're Asian, J-Lo.
Dr. Phil *leans over to Dr. Oz and whispers*: We kill Oprah at dawn.
Here are my words of *cough cough* "wisdom". AKA, me pretending to know it all.
Check for toilet paper *before* you sit down.
Don't say "That girls looks like a dude!" when she could be someone's mom. And when I say "someone", I mean the kid next to you.
Life is the things you don't plan...but try to say that to a pregnant teen without getting punched in the face.
The best way to avoid drama is to shut up and/or watch Disney movies at 1:00 am.
You are never too old to treat yourself to a coloring book and fresh crayons. NEVER.
Never act wise around old people or they'll try to one up you. "You think you know that? Lemme tell ya somethin'! Back in '59, we didn't have shoelaces. So we used our own hair to tie our shoes together so we could walk to the fields. And we loved it. It was the best thing that ever happened to us. You youngins take everything for granted."
Gay people will always be the funniest in a movie. No matter what religion you are, no matter where you stand, you will always laugh at the gay man.
Little kids may be annoying, but they'll always remember what you said to them. Unless you tell them what to do...then they just forget on purpose.
I'd rather hold hands than grudges.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Lend me an echo?