Improve My Nuking Marmoset, Please, Mr. DJ.

Today I went to a parade. It was a terrible, lame, and smelly parade, full of little girls with makeup caked on like a second skin and horses that would rather be running in a pasture far, far away from people. I was standing next to the old folks home and I saw all the elderly, mindless people being parked in their wheelchairs to watch this ridiculous parade go by. There was no music in the parade. There was no laughter or creativity. Just buckets of stale candy and grumpy, overworked people. I wonder if the sad, depressed old people felt any better looking at that. I sure know I wouldn't.
But what would make a parade like that better? For one thing, music. Tons and tons of music. Blaring so loud and festively that you can feel it radiate in your pores. And colors. All shades and hues strapped tastefully around the bodies of fellow marchers whose faces are radiating and happy and smiling.
Also, less stale candy. No Dum-Dums. Those are ridiculously similar to licking a toilet bowl.

But that's just the horrors of living in small town Oklahoma. We have all the creativity sucked out of us and thrown back into the hot sun that rules over all of our withering bodies. What can I do to make it different? Well, I have plenty of plans for when I'm older, but at the moment, I wanna have fun. I wanna be sixteen and crazy and make everyone doubt that I have any maturity in my being. So, here are a few ideas to get up and go and get dangerous:

1. Play tag in a cemetery at night. Thankfully, my youth minister takes us to do this once and awhile, and we love him for it.
2. If you can drive, pull into a car dealership with a stopwatch and friends. Time yourself going in. As soon as a salesman approaches your car, take off as fast as you can. Then stop the watch and record your time. Proceed to another car dealership.
3. Dress like a goth and visit every single church in the town. See what happens.
4. Go to Wal-Mart dressed like a super hero and buy things to suggest your power. (e.i. weights for strength, sunglasses for x-ray vision, stretchy pants for stretchability). If the clerk doesn't guess, ask them.
5. Drive through a drive-thru without a car.
   

Some of these ideas where gathered by observing other sources. Thanks to all of you, even though none of you read the blog of wonder. :)

I am so sick of seeing "Christians" on Facebook cuss like a sailor. Seriously, can you not be more creative? Here are some other choice words of choice:

• Bloody Timberlake. Used in phrase like: "Well, you little Bloody Timberlake, maybe you'd like to buy your OWN parkas!"
• Marmoset. "Oh shut the marmoset up, you Bloody Timberlake!"
• Nuking. "You nuking Bloody Timberlake of marmosets!"
• Hash. "What the hash are you nuking doing you marmoset-like Bloody Timberlake?"
• Jojoba. "Jojoba hash of marmosets, Bloody Timberlake is nuking bananas!"

It's really that simple, Fake Christians. Now, clean up your mouth with some nuking Jojoba butter soap.

Who is this Mister Dee Jay and why must he turn the music up, Rihanna?