The Pee Ghost and The New Movement

I'll admit something to ya'll. Something I've never really expressed...
I AM A PARANOID FREAK.
Okay, okay, so, you knew that already. I figured. But let me just tell you how paranoid I really am:
I AM SCARED THAT GHOSTS (MOST LIKELY DEAD RELATIVES) WILL HAUNT ME IN WEIRD PLACES AT TIMES THAT I AM ABSOLUTELY AT A LOSS. Examples? Of course. [youknewthelistwascomingallalong]
Place/Events That Would Absolutely Bomb to be Haunted

1. Peeing. Think about it. Granpa decides he wants to tell you where the treasure of his life is hidden, and you're sitting on Jonny Porcelein with a magazine. Talk about awkward even for the after life.
2. Driving. This is Oprah's nightmare. I swear, this has to be over a hundred times more hazardous than texting and driving ever would be. I can see the bumper stickers now: DON'T HAUNT AND DRIVE. Seventeen will do a special on it next month, I'm sure.
3. Your honeymoon. Nothing says "Congratulations on your new marriage" like interrupting a special moment with the presence of the undead. You though Grandma was embarrassing when she was alive and you had boyfriends over....this is literally your worst nightmare.
4. Giving childbirth. Aunt Thelma died a year ago. You're naming your daughter after her alive and well sister, Beatrice. Thelma arrives just when you're getting that sucker out. "YOU'RE NAMING HER BEATRICE?!" Now is not the time, Ghost Aunt Thelma.
5. Reading of the will. I would hate this more than anything. They read that you get a million dollars from your grouchy cousin Mirtle. Mirtle shows up, glimmering and shouts "DON'T GIVE THAT MONEY TO HIM! I'm not giving that scum bag all my money so he can buy a zillion XBoxes with it! Give it some stranger on the street and he'll deal with it better!" Talk about embarrassing haunting situation.
6. Drinking water. You think water squirting out of your noise is bad? Imagine some burn victim's ghost showing up when you're taking a sip. Not only will you be frightened and having Ole Faithful reenact in your nostrils, but you have a high chance of heart failure then and there.
7. In the shower. Nothing says good ghostly hygiene when some Victorian era ghost girl appears in your shower to tell you that you've missed a spot.

Remember Viva la No Vampires? Well, that movement flopped. So, I give you another flop-worthy movement. It is called:
THE SNAIL MAIL MOVEMENT!!!!!!
I am sick of lame, half-hearted Facebook messages. I am SICK of text messages with one answer. Darnit, I want good ole fashioned pony-express worthy snail mail. If you know me, ask for my address. But if not, I suggest this:
A) You can go in the telephone book and look up addresses of random strangers. Send them wacky postcards, thoughtful letters, whatever you want. Just don't write a return address and don't advertise.
B) Write a friend. Not someone in Norway. That's lame. But just a good friend you've had for awhile. My best friend and I are sorta writing back and forth (which I hope we continue to do) and I love it. I like sending him random crap and I like getting his random junk because it makes me feel like I'm not just a lame Facebook friend, but an actual friend. Snail mail is way more personal than technology. It's like getting a hug from far away, because the person actually puts MEANING and THOUGHT into a letter. :)

Song of the Week: Please skip listening to Ministrel's Prayer. Delve into the other songs on the playlist. This week, I want you to listen to "Electric Twist". It's good stuff, I promise.