Veggie Tale: I Failed and Funeral Plans

So...being a vegetarian...didn't work out. I failed after I went to the mall and was offered a Freddy's burger, which, may I just say, does all cows perfect justice because they are absolutely disgusting unless they aim to be a Freddy's. So, I faltered, and I followed up with turkey bacon this morning for breakfast. I also broke my no-pop rule with a cheeseburger....I fail at life, I KNOW.

So, this is the deal. I will postpone the veg-head diet until I receive TWELVE CHALLENGES. Which, by the way, Inkbots, you are totally slacking on. GIVE ME A CHALLENGE or I will kill all your cattle. End of fairytale.

Funerals are something we all try to avoid. I mean, why not? You have a creepy dead body in the room, everyone is dressed to depress, and the reception is chock full of gosh-awful casseroles. So, I plan on changing things up in the funeral industry. What do I mean? Well, let me tell you. *winning smile*

FIRST! At my funeral, no one is allowed to wear black. NOTHING. No black socks, no black panties. And yes, people at my funeral will check for your betrayal of black panty wearing. You are allowed to wear every single color in the rainbow at once, because that would make me happy, even if I was dead.

SECOND! I do not want to be laying down like I'm asleep in a coffin. I want to be sitting up in a chair with a cigarette in my mouth, because, all though I've never smoked and never will, I figure it wouldn't hurt any if I started when I died. (Seeing about all those health risks being null and all.)

THIRD! If I was ever mean to you, don't lie to people and say I was nice. Tell the truth about me. One thing I can't stand is nice liars because they're a complete and total oxymoron. And I mean oxyMORON. But, I would like all the people who liked me to attend and preferably beat up those people who didn't. Hey, I didn't say you'd be treated nicely for being honest.

FOURTH! The reception shall be held at Chuck E. Cheese. That way, you are forced to eat delicious pizza and forced to have a great time. Just imagine me beside you, whacking the heck outta some pop-up moles.

FIFTH! Just remember me as nicely as you can.

This is also my mandatory funeral playlist:

• "Good Riddance" by Green Day
• "Dead!" (clean version) by My Chemical Romance
• "Thriller" Michael Jackson

If you do not follow these requests, I will turn into a zombie and ravage your brain. :) HAVE A NICE DAY!