Feelings for Inanimate Objects, Batman Voice, and 10 Ways to Make Dramatic Moments Hilarious

Long title, eh? I had to take two naps to finish up that puppy. Just kidding. No, but seriously, I know the title's long, but bear with me and hopefully we'll shake some laughs out of this blog post, okay? Now, fasten your seat belts, hold onto your hats, and go tell Aunt Rodie the old great goose is dead! What does that mean? I have no idea. Apparently, according to my father, it is a song. I don't know what it is either, folks. I wasn't alive in the Prehistoric Era.
Have you ever grown emotionally attached to something that doesn't have a brain? Of course you have. You started to have these strange feelings forced upon you as a child with your dolls (or "action figures" as you men insist on calling them) and teddy bears. Then you grew up and started to have feelings for random things. Sometimes feelings of hatred, like towards your computer. You begin to trash talk your modem. You are officially a loser now. But don't worry, I'm a loser, too. I yell at my computer all the time. If my ranting to a computer was formed into dialogue, it would sound like this:
"Dang you to heck, you piece of rat feces!! I hope you get recycled into a child's game that gets SO broke that NO ONE can recycle you ever again!" the pink-haired youth screamed at the computer. The computer stared at her with its sneering screen and mocked her viciously with its silence. She then threw a hammer through it, causing it to never bring viruses upon the land again. The End.
I also have affection for random objects. Like my ukulele. It's like a small little Hawaiian baby to me. I love my baby and yes, I talk to my baby. I also used to talk to my trees and bamboo plant. This is why I was called a hippie all through seventh grade. That and I was the only kid who knew who Cat Stevens is.

Does the Batman voice annoy you like it does me? Don't get me wrong, I less than three The Dark Knight like you would not believe, but let's be serious with one another. Where would a voice like that get you anywhere? I mean, yes, he has to disguise his voice to keep Bruce Wayne under wraps. But, what if Batman did a British accent? That way he would sound dignified as he's about to crack your ribs and maybe he'd have more luck with the ladies. At least, Rachel Dawes. If Batman talked like that all the time, I would start to laugh if I were a villain. What if Batman needed a doughnut?
Batman: *in hoarse Batman voice* I need two glazed and some sprinkles.
DoughnutMan: Fat chance. Go back to prison, man. You're scaring me.
Batman: *in hoarse Batman voice* I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a vigilante.
DoughnutMan: Yeah, right. And I'm a superhero who wears a cape and changes into his costume in telephone booths.
Batman: *in hoarse Batman voice* No, that's my friend Clark K--
DoughnutMan: Get out of my shop.
Batman: *in hoarse Batman voice* Yeah, okay.

No other superhero talks like a retard when they're about to kill you. They have witty catchphrases in clear tones. I guess vigilantes have to sound like they need cough drops.

I'll be honest with you. I pretty much hate dramatic films. Give me some humor in it, okay, fine. But sometimes, things are too serious. Next time you go to the movie theater, I have ten ways to make the most dramatic moments epically fail.

1. Clap when someone dies. My school did this while we watched Black Beauty. It was hysterical. Do it at the theater, but be sure to have some gutsy friends along with you. Otherwise, instead of the drama epically failing, YOU will epically fail.
2. Begin to sing "I Will Survive" at a serious, motivational part. Once again, backup friends are needed for full affect. Another option is to sing the Rocky Theme Song.
3. During a major kissing scene, make loud, obnoxious gagging noises like you did when you were seven. At a dramatic scene, your immaturity will prove how lame this is. Or, use a stopwatch on your phone and shout how long that kiss really was and end the observation with the humorous comment "Get a room."
4. If someone is getting seriously beat up by a villain, you know, the times where all the girls hide their faces in their boyfriends' chests, say "Don't get mad! Get glad!" or "Maybe they should just talk it out!"
5. Although not my favorite option, this one is sure to get some laughs. During a silent montage, you know, the one where people debate with their thoughts accompanied by faint piano music, fart or belch as loudly as possible. Then, following suite of Buddy the Elf ask the person next to you "Did you hear that?"
6. Break out dancing to sad music. This never fails. Bring a friend or two who will dance with you. Glowsticks would be a good idea for instant rave party.
7. When a deep meaningful quote is spoken, ask in a loud whisper "Didn't Jesus say that?"
8. If a lesser known actor/actress is on screen and does something dramatic scream "Oh my gosh! That's my sister/brother!"
9. When a mentor gives advice, snort loudly. Then say "I could've told him that."

10.The best for last. In the middle of the most terrible/beautiful moment, begin a random Marco Polo game. Say "Marco" really loud and someone is destined to say "Polo". If not, assign a friend to. Just make sure they sit nowhere near you.


There you go. I hope this blog was enjoyable for you. If you plan on doing any of the suggestions, leave me a comment. Or if you think of any new ones, comment. Or, if you love me...comment.

Necklace Creepers, Philosophy, and Confusión de Baño

Hello howdy good day/night to you Inkli-doodle dandies! :D You think I'm in a good mood, don't you? That's the wonderfulness of Internet--I can mislead you to believe anything. Truth is, I'm about to hang myself in the middle of my living room because the world is cruel and unfair. Just kidding. Seriously. No need to call Suicide Hotline, people, I'm fine. I just wanted to show you how the Internet is the perfect mask to make everyone seem like perfect people. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Maybe that one kid on Facebook who's constantly happy may actually be seriously sad. Or maybe that other kid on MySpace isn't so depressed after all. Truth be told (or is it?) I'm actually sorta sad but not entirely grief-stricken. So no need to lavish sympathy. No sympathy on the blog, InkWinks.
Today, and for most of my teenage years, I have gotten the Necklace Creeper Stare. See, this is why boys don't follow my blog--they fear topics like this. I'm sorry, men, but you are actually some of the people participating in this serious offense to womankind everywhere. So listen up! We need to raise awareness! You idiotic people: Stop staring at my necklace. It looks like you're checking out something else. Simply briefly glance at the necklace, then politely ask me what my necklace is. Do not grab for my necklace, unless you want a can of mace in your precious Creeper eye. Do not try to stare the necklace down, or it may just pull out a gun and shoot you, mistaking your innocent Creeper Curiosity for a necklace/human show down. Also, it gives the wrong impression. So quit it, Necklace Creepers. Just say no.
I have recently discovered a whole new world for me. *breaks out singing "A Whole New World", flies onto her magic carpet, and sails off with a genie in a lamp* This world is the world of pop culture philosophy books. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here are a few books: Alice in Wonderland and Philosophy, The Matrix and Philosophy, Twilight and Philosophy, The Beatles and Philosophy, Metallica and Philosophy, The Office and Philosophy, and Facebook and Philosophy. Are you not blown away? I personally ordered the Beatles and Philosophy, so I'll tell you how that works out for me.
Last thing: Do you go to Mexican restaurants? Here's the thing about those places of torture. They refill your drinks as if you haven't had a glass of water in eighteen weeks. I have no problem with that. But my bladder does. So, of course, like every human being in the planet, I have to go to the bathroom. But this is where the Mexicans decide to have a little fun with ya! THEY WRITE THE GENDERS OF THE BATHROOM IN SPANISH! Now, listen, I would be peeved if America hated my people swimming in their rivers, too. But not peeved enough to have people who need to pee-pee explode in my restaurant because they couldn't figure out what "hombre" meant. I thank God every time I'm in a Mexican restaurant that I took Spanish 1 in 7th grade. Or else I would have to ask the waiter where the bathroom is. You know how embarrassing that is? A huge bother to me is accents. Don't get me wrong, I love accents to death. It's understanding them that irritates me. The Mexican waiter will be blabbing to me instructions on how to get to the bathroom, but thanks to his accent, he could be giving me instructions on how to set a nuclear bomb for all I know.
So, word of advice: Learn genders in all languages.
Spanish: Male:hombre Female:mujer
French:Male: homme Female: femme
Russian: Male: мужчина Female: женщина
Gangster: Male: Guys Female: Dolls
Gangsta: Male: Bros Female: Shawties

Good luck! Remember: Don't grab necklaces unless you want to be blind! Comment like you're schizo! Watch How To Train Your Dragon--it was awesome! AND! Don't drink and drive!

P.S. I am not racist towards Mexicans. I happen to be in love with one, so can it.
P.P.S. No, I cannot pronounce the Russian words. But you only need to know what they look like to go pee, so quit whining.
P.P.P.S. Thank you Google Translator!
P.P.P.P.S. I'd like to thank all my friends and family--starting with everyone I knew in order! The doctor and nurse who brought me out the womb, Mom, Dad, Sissy, Aunt, Grandpa, Grandma, Cousin, Uncle.........................................

Men Rumor and The Problem with Metaphors

OK, I am not sexist. Do not try to pull that one with me, boys. But, I'm just saying, you people are not helping me disbelieve in the rumor. What rumor? The rumor that men are afraid of commitment. Why do I say this? Because, I have THREE, count it, THREE male species reading my blog WITHOUT FOLLOWING ME! Are you the tall dark mysterious type that you cannot simply type in a password, O Lurking Male Inklings? I will now refer to you as my Olmi. :) Olmi, become a full registered Inkling, please! Prove the rumor that men are afraid of commitment wrong. Because, what if other rumors are true? Like the rumor that I have a trained ninja assassin ready to kill you if you do not follow this blog? That rumor that the ninja assassin is in your closet may just be true as well...*evil laughter*

What is the deal with metaphors? What would happen if they were in real life? Example: Cute as a button. If your baby looked as "cute as a button" not only would I be freaked out, but I would be concerned for its health. How did it get that way? Did you cheat with a button?? I mean, come on, think of the teasing! Four holes punctured into plastic skin is just begging to be made fun of. Forget four eyes, it's four holes now!
"Eyes that sparkled like stars." You're telling me you find people's eyes that light up like a gaseous ball of space-fire attracts you? You need mental assistance, buddy.
Hourglass figure. What about the other time-telling devices? Why can't they have a figure named after them? You don't see any alarm-clock figures or grandfather clock figures waltzing around. So why bring hourglass into play? Can't you just say "curvy"?
A huge pet peeve of mine is when people say "musical laughter." When I hear people laugh, I do not hum along or tap my feet or break out dancing. Does musical laughter have different genres? Rap laughter? Bluegrass laughter? Shakira laughter? If you think your laugh is weird now, picture people's faces when they hear you laugh like you're singing Hakuna Matata.
Just saying, all those really don't make sense to me. What about you? What is a metaphor that super weirds you out? By the way, I saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid last night. It was El Fantastico! <--no, I do not know Spanish. Shut up. But seriously, it was a good movie, so I give it the pink-thumb of approval.
In review this is what you have learned today: Olmis need to join the blog. Metaphors are for the mentally insane. I cannot speak Spanish. AND! I am starving for macaroni and cheese. COMMENT IF YOU LIKE MACARONI AND CHEESE! OR...just comment and I'll be happy and not get that ninja to get you, Inklings. ;)

Romance Films, Suggestions, and Indie Songs

Romance films. Oh, dear me, ROMANCE FILMS. I like them. I admit it, okay?! Stop hounding me! Put thy stones back on the ground and do not cast them! Okay, though, enough with the drama. I like romance movies a lot. My favorites? Oh, if you must know: 13 Going on 30, The Notebook, Princess Bride, 27 Dresses, and Moulin Rouge! . But, there is one thing that bugs me about these movies--they're not extremely realistic. I watched The Proposal yesterday and I realized "This could never happen. Yes, I believe in true love, and yes, I believe in miracles...but this is just crazy." Why does true love have to be so extravagant? True love isn't chasing the girl you love after her flight leaves and then deciding to marry her. True love is accepting someone, through the Good the Bad and the Ugly, and is as simple as helping your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband walk with a twisted ankle into a car. It's that glow in the eyes that says "I love you, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm ready to be with you no matter what." Romance movies put pressure on people to do something outlandish to impress the one they love. I would be happy with a small home-made card, not a band singing a love song to me in the rain or something. Although, I will admit, it does seem pretty nice.
Now, next subject: SUGGESTIONS! I hate when people tell me what to read, listen to, or watch unless I truly trust them and I have had a history of liking their tastes. For all you who would like to know MY tastes, I will tell you them here and now so that you don't have to think I'm imposing on you. Simply click on the blog and refer if you like them.
My favorite song stuck in my head: Call N Return-Hellogoodbye
Book worth reading at the moment: "Go Ask Alice"--has cussing, but I don't find that a problem--you'll see why I say that if you read it.
Great movie that I pull out during a boring day: Moulin Rouge!
All Time Favorite Five Bands: Beatles, Coldplay, Weezer, Flyleaf, and White Stripes
There. Now never ask me again. Ever.

I mentioned to you before I hate people suggesting me bands. I will now tell you why I hate that so dearly. I like to explore music. I like to make it my own thing. One thing I promise you I will never fall in love with instantly is Indie bands. I do not hate Indie, so Indie-lovers, clog it. I happen to like a few select Indie groups (Death Cab for Cutie, Vampire Weekend, Gaslight Anthem...). But some of this is insane. The names, for instance. All Indie bands remind me of political posters or cat names. Some interesting Indie names would be: "Constitution of No Prostitution" , "Nibblets", and "We'reDifferentSoListenToOurCD". Indie music seems to be a lot alike: Someone will play the acoustic guitar slightly well. There is a keyboard in the song somewhere. A whiny, male singer will make up rhymes that have nothing to do with anything but can always somehow relate to relationships or politics. I have written an Indie song to show you what I mean. It is called "Purpose of Truth Lies in Bacon":
The pink waitress serving coffee,
At destiny's diner of fat-free education
Is full of beauty college aspirations,
Along with Freedom's fry cook,
Who wields his spatula of late night curfews,
Sing the song of Suburban putrid,
Taped together with sexy bubblewrap,
You and I can watch Juno,
While eating raisin bagels.


Were you not inspired? Now go to a comic book store in your berets hats and discuss the philosophy of Hemingway, you artsy Indie rocker. Be as different as you can. So different that you seem normal. Ugh.

Blogging for the Genders: A Campaign against Sexist Blogging

I have notice a significant lack of men following my blog. So I'm going to convince all you males to follow me.
This blog will give you facial hair
This blog will give you a hot but intelligent girlfriend
This blog, if eaten, tastes like a thick juicy steak
This blog was a football in its first life--a Superbowl football
This blog is best friends with Nintendo
This blog is a plot-line for an explosive-filled action packed movie
This blog will do your math homework--no strings attached
This blog is a drummer for a heavy metal band
This blog loves you.
Love it back.
This blog, inklingman, knows it was stereotypical, and wants you to know, that basically, it will do ANYTHING for you just to be its friend. You're artsy? Let's go to a museum with the blog. You're a super computer nerd? This blog will create a Middle Ages videogame on your PC if you like. You like your blogs with an hourglass figure? This blog has one. Unless you like your blogs chunky. Because, if so, this blog is a thousand gigibytes, boys.
But what about the ladies!? What shall this blog do for them?
This blog will listen to your complaints/This blog will go shopping with you to all your favorite stores and give you advice/This blog will give you flowers on a normal day/This blog is the son of Johnny Depp and the brother of Justin Bieber/This blog wrote a love song for you on its acoustic guitar and would love to sing it in front of all the other blogs because this blog is that proud to call you its/This blog is an expert at riding horses/ This blog is not afraid of commitment.

So there you have it. The blog loves you all. Now follow it.

*Note: I hate Justin Bieber
*Note: This blog doesn't do any of these things--except love you.



Love it back.







Do it.

Company, Cleanliness, and C is for Cookie

Oh my children!!! How I've missed you so!!! Do you smell that, my little bloggerheads? That distinct smell of creativity? Or is that the ripe smell of unwashed body, seeing that it's early afternoon and I have yet to take a shower. Actually, on the subject of showers, I'll have you know I love baths. Makes me feel like a mermaid. So, if you want to get on my good side, buy me bubblebath and we will be lifelong friends.
Speaking of the word "bloggerheads" I would love to call you something else. From this day forward you, dear reader, are no longer a simple reader/blogger/bloggerhead/Sasquatch. Nay, you are from this day on known as....AN INKLING. Yes, inkling. It is a word that means the faint idea of something fantastic...I think. Anyways, that is what you are to me. You are the beginning of something so terribly amazing. Plus inkling has to do with ink, and ink has to do with writing. I hope you enjoy your name, Inkling.
Today I am having company. I feel odd saying that word. Makes me think that a theater crew is coming. My "company" has arrived! Quick! Spotlight on the left stage! Anyways, I always hate that when I'm terribly busy, the people I love dearest want to see me then. I love all my friends too much that I can't stand rejecting them. This is why I am a strong believer of crowded birthday parties.
My mother is nagging me to clean clean CLEAN my room, although, to be honest, as a teenager, I doubt I would care if my friend's room was dirty. I mean, I would if there were like, rats crawling everywhere and mold was shooting out of the ceiling (because I'm super allergic to mold and cause that's just gross). But I mean, I'm not going to notice if your sock monkey isn't thirty five degrees west of the Mississippi. I would notice if it was thirty five degrees EAST though!
Last but not least, I hate eating healthy. For the past three years I've been telling myself to eat better and excerise. No such luck. I see a cookie, that cookie is instantly in my brain, and I have to have that cookie. Yesterday I read a book where the girl was considering to be an anorexic and I immediately ate two bowls of Lucky Charms. Happy Saint Patrick's Day to me! :D
Dear 9 followers, bless you, my inklings. You are so kind. Now get your butt up from your chair and ask your friends to follow me, too. I hate being alone. Be my friend! Enjoy this lovely corned beef I'm giving you--- I wouldn't eat it but my mom made tons--no joke. Comment comment comment and remember, my inklings--I love bubblebath.

Things That Make Me Happy

Today I am depressed a little. I had a great day with a friend, but hearing someone else's voice made me miss them. So, to take my mind off things...*in a sunshiny voice*: I AM GOING TO PLAY THE GLAD GAME! I watched an ancient film called "Pollyanna" and she plays the annoying but maybe helpful game called "The Glad Game" Quote :"Whenever I'm sad, I play a game. It's called the Glad Game. When I think of the things I'm glad about, I'm not as sad anymore!" So, let's see if Pollyanna is a chipper idiot or maybe a deep philosophical mind.

• I love it when puppies are not dead on the roadside
• I love it when no one gets drunk at a party
• I love it when I go to a wedding instead of a funeral, even if the people are old
• I love it when you have an awkward silence and someone starts laughing
• I love it when it rains and I can go play and no one will see me
• I love it when someone thinks I'm actually good at something
• I love it when I can have orange juice at one in the morning
• I love it when I can have orange juice and FOOD at one in the morning
• I love it when people give me money
• I love it when people follow my blog only because I threatened them
• I love it when I catch someone lying
• I love it when my internet doesn't crash
• I love it when I'm not abducted by aliens/motorcycle gangs

Hmm...I THINK I may feel better...what are things I DON'T like, though?

• I hate it when someone takes the last saltine cracker and that someone is not me
• I hate it when I CAN'T have food at one in the morning
• I hate it when we park next to my favorite restaurant and I can't eat there
• I hate it when I miss someone and they're having fun (I'm not selfish!)
• I hate it when you love a band and then someone makes you seem like you don't
• I hate it when people spell my last name wrong and I've known them for years
• I hate it when the librarians don't understand that I love the book and I won't return it
• I hate it when I'm alone

I feel better. :) What do you love, besides me and antelopes? What do you hate, besides Kim Kardashian and people texting next to you? I would LOVE for you to comment, follow, and maybe, if you're lucky, enjoy this invisible chicken dance I've assembled on invisible YouTube.
Before I leave you, ducklings, type in "Suicide Mouse" on YouTube. Then comment on this post. I can't wait to hear your opinion! :D

Homework and Pop Songs

Have you ever done ALL the work for a project? Welcome to my life. I have literally done EVERYTHING for my debate homework, and frankly, I don't care if we lose the debate, because my partner suffers from a disease I just discovered: "Do Nothing Disorder". Yes, it is a terrible illness that many teenagers in school suffer from, and I have seen it time and time again in my short years, and I fear it is incurable. Professors at colleges refer to this terrible disease as "You're Getting Kicked Out, Slacker". I must say, I agree with the pro's.
Another irritating thing that has happened to me in the late hours of the night is that I discovered my best friend has broken up with her boyfriend. I knew she would, but she hasn't called me or anything. If I'm going to be your best friend, try to make me feel trusted a little.
You know what is the funniest thing to watch besides watching someone try to dance? Watching a little kid dance. They are hilarious. They have no boundaries. You dance as crazy as you want, little kid, and I will just sit here and laugh my head off and you'll laugh with me. Ahh, childhood. The only time in your life where you can be a complete lunatic and people think it's cute. If only people thought that nowadays---then I wouldn't be questioned why I still color outside the lines...
Last note (B flat!!! haha nerd humor), I saw the video for Lady GaGa and Beyonce's Telephone...don't watch it. WASTE OF MY TIME. As usual, it was bizarre and uber pervy. Yet I did find myself laughing at it's stupidity. I don't know, if you want to waste brain cells, go ahead.

Inside Jokes and Diseases

I am going to rant to you. No, no, no. I won't cuss your head off. That's liberal stuff ;) No, I'm going to rant about INSIDE JOKES. I bet you just had an inside joke pop into your mind, didn't you? Of course you did. Because, most likely, you have one. Congratulations, I'm happy for you. Keep it to yourself. No one cares. Unless the person is actually in the INSIDE JOKE no one finds it as hilarious as you do.
I know I sound like a cranky old grouch--you know, the kind that screams at you for letting you onto their lawn. But seriously, I love inside jokes when they're MINE.
OK, saying that thing about yelling at kids for stepping onto a lawn makes me want to describe my next door neighbor to you. I think she eats children. Seriously, this woman is extremely old and her voice sounds like a pan scraping against gravel. I had to sit in a car with her once, because my mother is convinced that they're friends, and she played COUNTRY GOSPEL in the car. Can you already picture my lovely ears bleeding like crazy? Yeah. She also told me how to live my life. Do all old people feel the need to advise me how to do things? Because then I'm running away to NeverNeverLand so that I can never be old and advising.
My neighbor also has a disease called Appear Out of Nowhere Syndrome. AKA she is nosy. She once came over to give us a lightbulb around 11 at night, when it's a rule of thumb that all old people should be asleep. This startling fact makes me think that she may be, in fact, a zombie neighbor. She also has the annoying habit of coming over when I step out of the shower. Why she has the urge to see me naked, I have no idea. Must be a zombie thing. She must press her ear against our house's outside wall, just LISTENING for running water. Then, she'll come over and pretend she wants to take my dog for a walk (she's obsessed with my dog. She calls herself my dog's aunt. She is NOT my dog's aunt. She is my dog's zombie neighbor and that is where I cross the line) and THEN she tries to catch me naked. I have given her no such satisfaction.
Speaking of disorders, here are some diseases I have witnessed in my short years:
Angry Driver Disorder: Where a parent (does not have to be the victim's parent, but anyone's parent) drives like they don't know what a road is; hits the brakes like they're stomping on a rattlesnake; and shouts at you or the car in front of you louder than the car radio. Most of these who suffer from ADD (haha) are above thirty and are Conservative Republicans. You can spot those who suffer by the constant outcries of: "O'Bama put idiots on these streets! You dirty liberal ***!!!" and "Shut up, young lady! I am sick of all your whining! I am trying to drive!!" Note that they say TRYING to drive.
Dull Chatter Flu: Where someone IMs only "lol" "ok" "haha" and "yah". This kills 88% of conversations online. The origins of this epidemic is unknown but many speculate that it is all because, as a child, those who now suffer from DCF lacked daily tickle fights.
Planning Memory Loss Disorder: The victims of this illness make plans and never keep them. Otherwise known as "players"
Rapid Talker Disability: These are the people who keep talking, even when everyone else is clearly bored to tears. The symptoms of this disease are as following:

• sporatic subject change
• Crazy hand motions
• The overusage of the word "like"
• having no friends

Bipolar Copy Cat Virus: Those who suffer from BCCV are the ones whose iPod have every one of your songs but they themselves can't sing it if their life depended on it; people who wear the same clothing as you and try to make it seem you BOTH planned on wearing it the exact same day (Common excuse for the word "Twinkies"); and the one individual who quotes your jokes more than you do.

There you have it. These diseases are almost in everyone you meet, but in certain degrees. Maybe you yourself suffer from them. If you or a loved one suffer from any of these diseases, call the toll free number : 1-800-YOU-ANNOY-ME
Alright, folks, comment and I will give you a small child that is purely invisible and doesn't poop. I bought it off the invisible children slave market--don't tell anyone! ;)

Yes, This is a Lovey-Dovey Blog

In view of the date (my one year anniversary with my boyfriend who shall be nameless due to his hatred of attention and/or recognition), I have promised myself to write a blog about that three--wait,no--FOUR lettered word we all insert into conversations daily, whether talking about foot fungus or friends: L-O-V-E. Yes, LOVE! Here are a few lovely song lyrics about this commonly used word:

"Come out to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are...Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be so hard..." -"The Scientist" by Coldplay
"If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied. Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs--if there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks--then I will follow you into the dark"--"I Will Follow You Into the Dark"
"And I'm trying, so hard, with all my heart and mind, to make your life as good as you've made mine. This is the best thing that could be happening...and I think you will agree, the best thing is that it's happening to you and me"--"The Best Thing" by Relient K
"My dearest friend, if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side. Where we can gaze upon the stars and sit together, now and forever. For it is plain, for anyone to see, we're simply meant to be"--"Finale/Reprise" from Nightmare Before Christmas (Yes, that creepy film...get over it)


So, there you have it. The lovey dovey song section is over. What is YOUR favorite lovey dovey song? Do you have a special someone? I will list the qualities of the special someone that I am dating that I enjoy:

He is not bald
He does not have blue eyes
He is not mean
He does not have bad taste in music
He is not completely serious
He doesn't hate my guts.

Switch that around into: He has great hair, he has gorgeous brown eyes, he's nice, he has great taste in music, he's funny, and he loves me. :)

On a less serious and lovestricken note, have you ever witnessed a bad haircut? This is me during bad haircut realization:
Person with terrible hair: Do you like my hair?
Me: I...uh...um...ah...er....*looks for escape routes*
Person: Well?
Me: NO! YOU'RE HIDEOUS! GOOD GRACIOUS, MA'AM, DO YOU REALIZE YOU'D LOOK BETTER BALD?! *jumps out of window screaming "I believe in the truth!!!!!"*
Just kidding, that isn't me at all. No, this is how it goes down:

Person with terrible hair: Do you like my hair?
Me: Oh...um...YEAH! You have GREAT hair!
Person: Really? I can get your hair cut like that if you want!
Me: Sounds great! *gets wretched hair cut*

Seriously, though, I always seem to lie, which is something I am totally against. So I've compiled a list for you to use next time you see someone with a bad haircut:
"Your hairdresser--they have GREAT cutting skills! Lots of scissor action!"
"Your hair looks like a work of art *cough cough* abstract"
"That is a haircut I would NEVER picture! You are so brave to try something new!"

ANOTHER thing that bothers me (yes, lots of things do, I know) is the fact that I hang up on people on the phone ALL the time. After I say "Bye" we have established that I am about to hang up. All items of conversation should be deterred after the farewell, and you should not attempt to keep talking after I say goodbye, unless you're just dying to get hung up on.

So there you go! Comment comment, tell your friends, and DEAREST BOYFRIEND: HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I LOVE YOU! :D <---in green because it's his favorite color. If you laugh at me, I will find you, and I will SuPeRsOaK you, okay!?

T-Shirts and Add-Ons

Do you think this site should have a site Tee Shirt? I think it should. I think I want to make a tee-shirt with a lifesaver and then it says "Nerds rule!" and the site name. I also want a shirt with a sad puppet saying "Are you the one living your dream? Or are you the puppet living someone else's?" and site name. Any input, darlings? Also, what about my add-ons? Do you like the music? Do you like the fish? Comment your feedback, PLEASE.
RANDOM THOUGHT:
You ever had that moment when you have a REALLY funny/important thing to say and then you forget it? Well, listen to this hilarious but deeply meaningful tale of--crap, I forgot. *looks up to heaven and shoots herself*...*with a watergun*....*breaks out in hives!!!* *"I'M ALLERGIC TO H2O!!!"*
My friend once said that snail tastes like chicken. Do people in France think that chicken tastes like snail?

College and Late Night Inspiration

First off, let me just give a few of you air-hugs for following my blog! *air hug* *air hug*. Thanks a billion, you guys! FREE INVISIBLE UN-POISONED SODAS FOR ALL!!! And FREE invisible cuppycakes for the four followers! :D
Whenever I get inspired, it seems to happen late late late at night. I did 3 paintings last night, two epic doodles, made myself some tasty food with my favorite--ORANGE JUICE!!!!, and wrote down from future points for my blog. I love late nights! :D
OK, what's with all this pressure for "College"? That one word that teachers shove down your throat for TWELVE grades. "College" seems so demanding of me. "College" wants me to go above and beyond, learn facts I'll never need to know, and have a crazy schedule. I wish school was more focused on "LIFE" more than "COLLEGE". Like, it would be more beneficial to learn how to change a flat tire, how to burp a baby, how to budget your grocery list than learn how to diagram sentences, how to climb up a rope in gym class, and all those retarded "When a train leaves the station at...." word problems.
So much WORRY about college! I bet 10% of wrinkles come from college-related stress. There are even different KINDS of worry for college: What college will I go to? Where can I get accepted? How can I afford this? How do I live like this? What do I want to learn here? How do I live AFTER this? How do I pay off these loans?
I'm not saying don't go to college. DO go to college! But don't spend your life WORRYING about it. Try, please, try. But don't worry, because colleges do not accept you on wrinkle/worry percentage.
Don't let others dictate where you'll go, either. I live my life never considering what others expect out of me. Sure, I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I try not to give anyone a reason to be so, but I never worry about what people will think of me. A life is only a disappointment if it's your own. Live your life how you want it, and others will see how happy you are. Live your life with God in the picture, and others will follow.
If your parents stress you out about going to UCLA but you want to go to Columbia--go to Columbia. Your parents are NOT going to take your classes and they are NOT going to live your life for you after you get out of college. If they cut off your money flow because of your choice---pay for it yourself! If it's your dream, you'll stop at nothing to achieve it.
But who am I? I'm but a blogger hiding behind a monitor, right? Wrong. I'm living my dream--to write and be heard. But who are you? Are you the person living your dream? Or are you the puppet living someone else's?

Awkward and Nerds

Don't you hate awkward situations? Heck, even the word AWKWARD is spelled weird. But, back to awkward situations. I hate them but love them at the same time. I hate them because, well, duh, they're awkward, but love them because they always make a great story later on that you can "LOL" to. Here is one for you bloggers to enjoy:
I was at a hotel, meeting my sister's new boyfriend (we met at a hotel because my sister and I live three states apart). He is now my sister's husband, which makes seeing him still awkward. And let me stop you right there, this is NOT a naked story.
Anyways, we were swimming in the pool and I had to go to the bathroom (No, it is NOT a bathroom story either). I went back and I saw my sister swimming, her beautiful long brown hair trailing behind her. I was happy to see her ( I see her once a year) so I shouted "SISSY!!! SISSY!!!". She rose from the water and flipped her luxurious hair back. It was not my sister at all. I know this because my sister doesn't have a goatee. It was my brother-in-law. Awkward.
Another thing that is awkward is being a nerd. But, you know what, we're all nerds. You're a nerd for reading this---NO NO! DON'T RUN AWAY! Stay with me. That's right. Sit back down. Goood. It's okay to be a nerd. We welcome nerds here. So push up your bifocals and raise your nose spray high!!! Woo! :D Seriously, though, nerds are awesome. We may not all be comic book reading, acne covered, science geniuses, but we all have quirks. So, today I was considered a nerd because I knew why lifesavers are called lifesavers (if you want to know why COMMENT!). It was very awkward, because I totally went all smart and all I got was "wowwwww". Ouch. I don't let it bother me, though. I thank God that I'm smart. BTW, I have a friend who made a blog called "My Wonderful Milky Way"--check it out, she's awesome. :)
Alright, well, COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT! And raise those nasal sprays high!!

P.S. Alice in Wonderland was awesome--watch it!

Revenge is Sweet...Movies are Sweeter

The best kind of revenge is the kind where you see someone you dislike wearing a pink frilly dress and speaking like a girl. No names, kids. No names. Best part is, I didn't even PLAN this revenge--so maybe "Revenge is the Lord's" is applicable. Maybe God shares my sense in gender-confused humor. :)
Sometimes, though, revenge doesn't always work out. Here's a little story for you hoodlums *sits in old rocking chair and fishes out a pipe and blows bubbles with it, because I do NOT condone smoking habits*. Down at a summer camp, only about two years ago, there was a cabin of rowdy boys. They took my mattress and put it outside. They colored the mirrors with crayons. They bungee corded the swinging doors (which, if you didn't get that, bungee cord+swinging door+girl pulling the door open=me with a smashed face. Yeah, thanks a lot, boys. You're so sweet.). Needless to say, those rascals deserved to be punished.
So I equipped my women for battles. We took those boys briefs and powdered them with some sort of cleaner that would supposedly make you itch. We poured shampoo in their hats for uncomfortable purposes. We slicked up the floors with bug spray so they would slip and hopefully break their necks (jk about the neck thing---I meant spinal cord ;) ) . We were in the last mode of battle: scattering their undies on the mess hall floor. Then who should arrive? The counselors. Who should get punished? All of us. What was that cleaning substance that would make em itch? Comet. If you don't understand, COMET will BLEACH your clothes. We ruined around $1,000.
"COMET will make your mouth turn green. COMET it tastes like Listerine. COMET will make you vomit. So VOMIT, buy COMET today"
I heard that song WAYY too many times that week.

Today I will be viewing Alice in Wonderland. You have no idea how excited I am. No, seriously, you don't. So I'll tell you. One thing is it is directed by my favorite director: Tim Burton. That man is a genius. I own almost all the movies. Favorite? Well, I'm hoping this one will be, but for now, Corpse Bride. Thanks for asking.
Next, is that it is composed (yes, I said composed. Yes, I know, I'm a nerd. Can I get back to my story now? Thank you.) by the marvelous Danny Elfman. The common person would recognize him as the man who wrote the Simpson's theme song. But he has done SO much more. Almost all the Tim Burton movies have been composed by him except Ed Wood and Sweeney Todd. He has also done the music for Spiderman, Wolfman, and Wanted. :)
Last, and not least this time, is the actor and actress. Johnny Depp and Anne Hatheway. Love em love em love em. So, that is why I'm pysched. I'll be sure to tell you if it's worth watching, although, you probably don't care.
So, in exchange for poisoning your soda last night, I will give you the antidote. But you must first sacrifice all your Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bars to me on the next full moon. The soda kicks in twelve minutes after the moon rises. Good luck.
"Comet, will make your mouth turn green....COMET: TEXT TEXT TEXT"

Decisions with Friends

Multicoloured today for you folks, because you are special. I found out at least four people read my blog. I feel so loved. Haha, seriously, people, can you tell your friends? I mean, do I suck that bad? Am I that girlfriend you wouldn't want to bring home to your folks? I sure hope not.
Have you ever had more than one friend give you attention at the same time? Usually, people make that seem like a good thing. "Oh, yeah, tonight? I had the entire school breathing down my neck, relishing my every word." OK, maybe not that dramatic. But, anyways, it is NOT fun because someone always feels left out. It angers me. I wish I had clones...except maybe people would take me home...and that could end badly.
So, on a lighter note...CENSORSHIP. It doesn't seem to exist anymore. I bought a CD that said "clean". Apparently, the s-word is clean. Nice.
Last, and least, because this sucks, I hate when you're on the phone with someone who is OBVIOUSLY busy and they insist on you staying on the phone. Ticks me off.
Enjoying that soda? Good. It was poisoned. >:)

The Hype of Things

Several things I do not understand. One is why "und" in understand is underlined in red, which means I spelled one part incorrectly...? Silly Google, how can you expect me to treat you like a spelling equal when you spell your name with two o's and two g's?
Another is this crazy schizophrenic lowercase/uppercase spelling thing. Yes, I am a spelling Nazi, let's get that out of the way. And yes, I am gUiLtY of the schizo caps lock disorder. Doesn't mean that I understand it. Because I said I didn't.
Another is why people are obsessed with sex in teen novels. This week, I had to stop reading THREE books because of their explicit sex content. No, you haters, I am not a goody goody because of my parents. I was born that way. Deal with it, I like it.
Last thing: I happen to not be obsessed with texting. I don't even have it. But IF I did, I promise you, I would totally not ignore your presence by texting people who I don't really care to hear in person. If I so happened to be texting near you, chances are it means I hate you. TEXT TEXT TEXT= GO DIE IN A HOLE!
The Mom read the blog. She likes, I believe. I hope this catches on. I really do. It was near impossible to find me on Google. Stupid Google. TEXT TEXT TEXT, Google, TEXT TEXT TEXT.

Writing Out of Anger

Do you ever write an angry letter? I sure do. I just did. It actually was going to be published on the blog, but apparently, it was not nice and God made it difficult for anyone to see it, so I deleted the whole bloody thing off here.
God (in booming God-voice): YOU! BLOGGER!
Me: Omigosh, it's God. Yes, God? What did I do?
God: NOT TO BE THE DOWNER HERE, BUT THAT LAST POST WAS A BIT UNNECESSARY.
Do you write angry letters? Do you have an angry song? Post a comment, and I'll give you another free invisible soda. Love, peace, and naked hippos!

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Well howdy hello good morning/afternoon/night! You're probably wondering: What's up with the whole "My Mother was a Rose" thing. Well, I shall tell you.
Once upon a time, I dyed my hair with KoolAid. Yes, Kool Aid. It works wonders, I tell ya! Anywho, ONCE UPON A TIME! I dyed my hair with Kool Aid and wondered what "The School Policy" *deep ominous music inserted here* would think of THAT! So I told my buddy that I worried about it. She said to tell them that it was natural--to tell them my mother was rose. The saying sorta stuck. I recently dyed my hair purple, which turned out pink (no Kool Aid, dearies. Thank you for asking). It felt natural, you know? To be that different? Best part is, no more "THE SCHOOL POLICY!!" *thunder and lightning* to worry about.

So, I wanted this blog to be like that. Free with no hesitancy and natural. Just how I like it. :) Things about me you need to know? Hhmmm hmmm hmm. Not important at the moment. What's important is that you feel welcomed. Do you, my lovies? Do you feel at home here? I hope you do. Pull up a chair. Yes, that's it. Good. Now, would you like some tea? No? Some soda? There you are. Welcome home, my sweeties, welcome home.


Does it bother the snot outta people that the tab button doesn't work on here? Or is that just me being paranoid. Man, oh man, I am ALWAYS paranoid. Today I checked behind the shower curtain for serial killers TWICE.

What are YOU paranoid about? Chances are no one will read this blog, but, if you are, bless you!!! And answer! I feel so lonely writing all this crap down. But, in the words of Richard Wright (don't ask me who he is, I have no idea)"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all". And with that dramatic thought, I shall leave thee to enjoy thy e-soda.