Comas by Choice, Blurting out my life, I happen to love it, and A.S.H Day!

I promised not to bore you with my self details, so I will now do it quickly...SO quickly that it probably won't register in your brain because I will be using random words to describe my current situation. Are you ready for this? No, you can't be, because none of what is about to happen ever happened. Confused yet? Good. Here we go: Decemberistsomgisyousinyourhousescaredmeandh
ofthewestifyoutellmetodoonemorethingiwillbeforcedtoscream
rblognamebackstabbingjerkfriendcantbelieveyounevercallmewishyouwerentmoving causeicryeverynightbecauseofthatfactthoseboxeiwantedtoburnthemallyouaresoothewickedwi

That was quite fun, to be honest. I typed everything without spaces and then cut and paste like some schizophrenic newspaper editor. OK. NOW. Back to my usual complaining in a sarcastic and witty way.

I hate when people can't make up their minds. You're either yourself or Abraham Lincoln. You cannot wear that stovepipe hat in your ballet class because you can't be two people, okay? In English: My best-so-called friend loves to change her/his/its opinion as fast and changing as the wind. This would be a typical conversation with said she/he/it:
Me: That was a great movie!
She/He/It: I hated it.
Me: Yeah, the reviews hated it, too. Guess I'm different.
Female/Male/GenderNeutral: Oh? So everyone else hated it? Guess I loved it then.

Here's what the conversation would be like more dramatic:

Me: DON'T JUMP OFF THE CLIFF!
Girl/Boy/Undetermined: No one else commits suicide!
Me: Lots of people commit suicide!!!
Susan/Peter/Taylor: Oh? So everyone else is committing suicide? Guess I'll live then. Oh crap! A lot of people are alive, too! I have to go in between! Quick! Get me to the nearest hospital! I'm going into a coma...BY CHOICE.

Annoys the snot out of me. You know what else annoys the snot out of me? Annoying snot sucking machines. But that's a different story.
In order to never be confused with my friend, let me state the things I enjoy that are most commonly made fun of, so that you know that I don't care if you hate it, I love it:

• Twilight. I love Twilight. I own every Twilight book. I own three posters. I love Twilight. So shut up.
• Children's cartoons. I am still a devoted Arthur, Power Puff Girls, Veggie Tales fan. So shut up.
• Conservatism. I am a devoted conservative. I happen to hate Obama's views. So shut up.
• Pink. I like pink. I know it's girly, but there. I'm a girl. I think I can like pink. If it helps you feel better, I love black, green, blue, purple, yellow, red, and orange as well. But not brown. I hate brown. So shut up.
• Seventeen magazine. I adore it. I own them all. So shut up.
  
• Cat Stevens. Yes, he is a Muslim. Yes, he's banned from America. And yes, he IS on my iPod. So shut up.
• Hating the Devil Wears Prada. I'm sorry. I wish I liked them. But I hate them. So shut up.

OK, so from now on, if you see me with Twilight in my hands as I'm watching a Spongebob episode dealing with why health care reform is the death of America when I'm wearing my pink pajamas from Seventeen and I have Cat Stevens on my iPod and not the Devil Wears Prada, don't ask what's wrong with me. Because I'm just being myself, and I happen to love me, so if you don't, find my friend and be in a coma together.

I feel like I'm shouting at you. Let me say something nice. Let's invent a holiday together. Hmm...what do we all like? We like air. OK, first word: Air. What else does EVERYONE like? Sugar. Yep, we adore sugar. One last thing...we...like....umm...having working hands. SO today, April the 27th is Annual AirSugaryHands Day! You can celebrate by breathing, eating, and using your hands!!! Loads of fun!!!

I will end this blog by saying, however much I worry about having followers, I want to say that I love all you guys who read the blog, because you make an effort to tell me face-to-face. I hope it gets more popular, yes, but I am content with knowing that you guys are behind me all the way. So...thank you for this Academy Award and remember: Suicide is not the answer. Comas are the nonconformist way to go.