This is as vital as that fat opera singer

Serious note alert!!! AHH! HEAD FOR THE HILLS, MAURITANIA! Haha, no, but seriously.
Tomorrow is "To Write Love on Her Arms" day tomorrow and I would LOVE it if you wrote "love" on your arms as a symbol that we believe there is hope for those who struggle with self-injury. I'm sorta in the middle of all this, and I won't get into details with you, but let me just say, knowing that people who aren't involved CARE means the world.
LESS SERIOUS NOTE ALERT! LESS SERIOUS NOTE ALERT! AHH! HEAD FOR THE HILLS, CONQUISTADOR!!! Today I saw an opera. Oh, yeah, you know where this is going. The opera
was LAME. The title is "Don Quixote" or whatever, and basically, this crazy opera-singing fool
goes on a quest to retrieve this skank's necklace. She gets it back, he proposes, she says no, he
dies. So there. Nothing about it was interesting except this one line: "My friend...My sweet, fat Sancho." Admitting your best friend is fat is probably the best last words I can think up of.
What are some other weird last words? Hmmm...

• "I...I'm not your sister...I'm your uncle."
• "Be sure to clean out the pantry once I'm gone...you know how food gets."
• "Would you mind if I belched in your face right now? Dying gets me...gassy."
• "You reek of skunk. I'm glad my sense of smell is dying along with me."

See? That was awesome. Today I had some lovely followers tell me that they loved my blog. Here is a diamond necklace for both of you! Woops! Did I say diamond!? I meant scorpion!! Quick! Take it off!!

My mom just gave me the hand today. You know, the whole "Talk to the hand!" thing. One day,
I'm going to get a tattoo on my hand. It will say "Let's have a heart-to-heart." Then the people
will feel obligated. I love it when people feel obligated. My goal in life is to do as many favors as
possible just to make people do ridiculous things for me once I'm old and wrinkly.
Me: "Remember when I opened the door for you in 2005?"
Random Person: "Uh...sure?"
Me: "Yeah, well, that means you have to eat this eel for me. It's bad for my liver."
R.P.: "I don't want to eat an eel!"
Me: "Yeah, well, I didn't want to open that stupid door! Do an old woman a favor, be kind and
eat the stupid eel!!!"
Random Person: *num num num*

My last words would probably be, and I am not joking: "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Well...my final words for the blog, that is.


So long and thanks for all the fish!